THE USE OF A LARGE FAMILY.
• THE Utilitarians disapprove of the propagation of children without the means of supporting them, and see nothing but evil in the large family of a poor man ;—omitting to observe one signal advan- tage belonging to this excess, namely, the privilege of committing assault and battery, and every other minor sort of offence, at the cheapest possible rate. Let no man knock his neighbour's eye out till he hath begotten children enough to take the sting out of the punishment. The father of from six to sixteen children may thump the whole world to jelly almost with impunity. It was doubtless with reference to this advantage that the Scripture says, "happy is he who hath his quiver full of them." With twelve children a beggar may belabour a lord on the easiest terms. For this reason it may be observed, that all hackney-coachmen, cabmen, watermen, and turnpike-men, are provided with prodigious broOds of brats, which comfort them exceedingly when bullying the King's lieges, and deliver them lightly from their difficulties in police-offices. There is no sort of use in taking the number of a ruffian who has a number of children. It used to he said, that a man who had children gave pledges to the state for his good conduct ; but, by the policy of our administration of justice, we have done away with this unhandsome hold. A fellow well backed with brats now knows that he is so much the more free to offend in consideration of his family. He punches his neighbour's eyes at so much the easier rate by reason of his brood. When he looks at his family, instead of deeming them checks on the impulses of passion or of fraud, he should say to himself, "Here are so many excellent argu- ments in mitigation; and therefore reasons for assault, impudence, and extortion. A bachelor cannot kick and cuff as I can."
Illustrations of these blessings occur every day. Last week, a Mr. BEECH interfered to prevent cruelty to a horse ; whereupon the driver, having a quiver full of children, "Instantly turned round and said, '1-bid your tongue, you — fool ; you are not inclined to do any good, but you are endeavouring to do all the harm you can.' The complainant attempted to remonstrate with the defendant upon his abusive conduct, when the ruffian struck him a tre- mendous blow in the face, which nearly dislodged the eye from its socket, and felled him to the ground while lying there he kicked him about the legs and head in so savage a manner, that the spectators cried out Shame,' and Murder!' There was not one of the persons present who had resolution enough to interfere with this inhuman being; and the complainant stated that he was convinced he would have lost his life had not his cries of murder brought the two sentinels, stationed at the Museum gates, to his assistance. A number of very respectable witnesses were called, who fully corroborated all that Mr. Beech had said. The prisoner had nothing to say in his defence. The Magistrate, (Mr. Dyer of Marlbo- rough-street,) observed that a grosser case he never heard of, and had he not been informed that the defendant had a wife and several children, he would sentence him to pay the highest penalty which the law allowed; but being made acquainted with that fact, he should only fine hint in the miti- gated penalty of 41."
Now, whenever this man feels disposed to punch a gentleman's eye, it will behove him to consider how great an advantage a wife and several children is in such proceedings ; and he should deal out his blows with confidence, accordingly.
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