Low life

Living with luck

Jeremy Clarke

Let's 'ave a look at yer 'and then, dearie,' said Gypsy Lee. I offered her my left, which she accepted with both hands. She caressed my palm lightly with her thumb, as if it were a thing of beauty.

I was glad to sit down. We'd been walking round the Newbury show for hours and I was dispirited by the crowds and by the hideous price of everything on sale in the tented streets. Two pints of what must have been the most expensive scrumpy in the history of the world had only made the sun seem far too bright.

Gypsy Lee and I sat facing each other across a small folding table in her cramped caravan. She fixed my eyes with hers as she spoke, but didn't look into them. She had the scarf on the head, the nice tan, the carpet slippers, and she held my hand with surprising gentleness. She was about 75. Whatever happens, she said, I must not divulge what she was about to tell me until I was off the showground. If I did, I would bring bad luck on myself and my family.

After the merest glance at my palm, she said, 'You've 'ad problems in your life.'

'Not really,' I said.

'You must 'aye! Everyone's 'ad problems.'

I haven't.'

'What do you do for a livin'?'

'You tell me.'

'Let's 'ave a look at the other one,' she said.

I withdrew the left and held out the right. Again, the lightness of her grasp was remarkable. Sensual even. `Ah, yes,' she said. 'I can see you was born under a star. There's not many as lucky as you, my dear. A lucky life. You've got a nice long lifeline, too,' she said, tracing its path with her forefinger. 'You'll 'ave a nice long life and die at 93.' Of this rather arbitrary figure she seemed certain. Though I was going to live to a ripe old age, it came as a bit of a shock to be told I was going to die at all.

Then she ran her fingers ever so lightly across my palm and stroked my fingers.

Last night's Viagra must have been in my bloodstream still, because at this point in the reading I became (as they say) sexually aroused. 'You weren't born poor, and you weren't born rich neither,' she went on. 'But in five years time you'll inherit money — a lot of money.'

'Any idea how much?' I said. 'Enough, dearie. Enough to invest wisely and 'ave no more money problems from then on.'

The accident brought on by the Viagra was still troubling me. Owing to the restrictions of underpants, jeans and my awkward posture, I felt most uncomfortable. Hoping her peculiar gifts didn't extend to X-ray vision. I shifted in my seat, without grimacing, to relieve the pressure. Having sorted that out I could begin to assimilate all this about my long life and the inheritance.

The inheritance was fantastic news as I'm a bit strapped at the moment. Also, I determined to return to Kevin's Cut Price Clothing marquee and buy that Gap fleece I'd coveted after all. The old girl must be reliable, too. According to the board outside her previous clients have included the Duchess of York and Henry Cooper. I could feel myself cheering up by the second.

Is that your young lady outside?' said Gypsy Lee, changing tack and nodding towards the window behind me. I turned around and looked out. Claud was waiting her turn outside, smoking a cigarette and looking at the ground. The sky was black behind her.

'Sort of,' I said.

'You 'ave special feelings for her, don't you?'

'You're right there,' I said, arching my back and shifting in my seat again.

'You live wiv 'er?'

'Sort of,' I said.

'Well you will, my dear. You'll live wiv 'er for a bit, then you'll get married. December's a lucky month for you, and so is March.'

'Kids?' I said.

I can see two. First a boy, then a little girl.' (As she said this, her upper set of dentures slipped and protruded out of her mouth.) Then she reached across and placed a glass ball on the table between us. 'What about a more detailed reading wiv the crystal ball for £50, dear?'

I stood up. I'd heard all I wanted to hear. From now on it was roses, roses all the way.

`No, thanks,' I said.

'What about a lucky charm then, dear? For luck.'

I don't think I really need one, do I?' I said.