Sex Education at the Preparatory School
By A MASTER.
}FROM the preparatory schoolmaster's point of view, . the problem of sex education is twofold. He must first of all give his boys what they will need while they are under his care, and then, when they are about to leave, he must give them what they will need at their public school. The latter is not exclusively the duty of the public schoolmaster, as a boy may need the know- ledge long before his new guide has established friendly relations with him. At a certain house at one of our greatest schools, new boys were forcibly " initiated " on the night of their arrival : and while such a state of things is, of course, exceptional, there may well be difficulties in store for a boy in his first term at a public school, to meet which he will need all the previous information he can obtain.
The main difficulty about any general discussion of the way in which boys should be told the facts of sex is that no one way will suit all cases. I have done my best to impart the necessary knowledge very often, as may be imagined, but I have always found myself instinctively modifying what I had to say to suit the personality of the individual boy. Mass instruction, except on the broadest and most scientific lines—that is to say, upon lines which seem entirely remote to a boy, and which he will never dream of applying to himself— has always seemed to me useless. Too often it conveys nothing to its hearers. The boys who later in life have discussed the question with me have all agreed in condemning. the informatory " talk to the boys who are leaving us " on their last Sunday. afternoon. First of all, it creates a wrong atmosphere. The boys arc self-conscious and on the defensive. Their feelings aro worked up, and they are inclined to giggle hysterically : and their embarrassment too often communicates itself to the man who is talking to them. There is a sense of strain about the interview, and all are heartily glad when it is over. Vagueness is useless. Analogies about flowers and bees either puzzle or amuse boys—and, in any case, they are neither flowers nor bees. The information they require is particular, not general. Such information cannot be given by any conscientious teacher otherwise than individually, to each and every boy. How, except after long and careful sounding, is he to know each boy's attitude of mind, difficulties, home life, and previous knowledge ? How is he to know what precocious distortion needs setting straight, what morbid shrinking must be combated, what positive injury may have been done at school, or even at home ? How can the most delicate and most important knowledge a boy is to receive be properly given him otherwise than by careful study of his mind and personality ? I have never been able to regard these mass talks as anything but evidence of laziness or cowardice on the part of the schoolmaster. A mass talk on the last day, when each boy has already had a separate interview, by all means. • It is an excellent method of making them realize the corporate bond so soon to be loosened, and boys are far more idealistic than outsiders suppose. But it. should be for any purpose rather than for the definite purpose of giving sex information.
Such information—the platitude is necessary—must be given from the point of view of the boy. It must be what he needs at the time, in terms that he can readily understand. An elementary error is to let him realize with a shock that a question he has asked in all innocence is a sex question.
" Please, sir, what is adultery ? "
" Taking away another man's wife or another W01111111.i husband."
- Any boy up to the age of eleven or twelve, who has little previous knowledge, will he readily satisfied with such an explanation, which fits in perfectly reasonably with his sense of property. I remember hearing a young master in class steering with perfect tact and frankness round the problem of the Minotaur. Ovid describes the monster as coneeptam crimine =atria. The inevitable question came at once.
" Please, sir, what does it mean, the crime of his mother ? "
With a smile, the young man pointed out that to marry uthmitably has always been regarded askance in good society. To marry a negro would cause scandal to-day. They could imagine, therefore, what was thought of a lady who married a bull.
The vital point is that answers like this are not evasions. They are necessary steps to protect unsuspecting boys from embarrassment, and from the fear that they have "dropped a brick," in connexion with a topic whereon it is essential that they should feel no embarrassment.
The problem of imparting the actual knowledge is easy, compared with the problem of helping the boy over the years of adolescence and segregation. He must not be frightened of sex. He must not be encour- aged to judge character solely in terms of sexual conduct. When a schoolmaster speaks of immorality, he generally means one thing only. This is a distortion of view as silly as any boy's. There are worse forms of immorality, even from a boy's point of view, than precocious sexual activity. Meanness, spite, selfishness, dishonesty, all make him a worse citizen than what is in most cases a temporary ailment he will soon outgrow. Eight boys in ten undergo a period of disturbance, and it is essential that nothing be done to make them feel either lepers or
Byronic sinners. The old method, which aimed at getting them over the difficult years at any cost, told them that through self-indulgence they would go mad, contract horrible diseases, be accursed of God, and goodness knows what else. It had next to no preventive effect, and did enormous psychological harm. - The tendency nowadays runs almost in the opposite, direction. A book was recently published in which a 'moderate degree of masturbation was declared harmless, if not beneficial. Yet even this is better than the old method. Solitary indulgence is unsatisfactory, and leaves 4), feeling of depression : hence most boys soon abandon it. Indulgence with others is best combated on idealistic lines. " You may be able to pull up when you wish, but are you sure about him ? " Boys readily respond to this form of argument. In any case, the schoolmaster who can get them to discuss such a question with him openly has won three-quarters of the battle.
Happily, however, it is not often needed in the preparatory school. There the problem is to inoculate boys to resist seduction by their elders, and to leave themselves alone. Remove curiosity. Treat them as adult reasonable beings.. Tell them the facts squarely —but only so much as they need. To find out how much they need, get to know and to like each boy. The rest will be a simple problem in human relationships.
Previous page
