Unlettered
A reader received the following letter.
Sir: Although we have yet to meet. I feel like I can confide in you the valuable information that my company has complied to enable us both to reap rich rewards in our future.
Others in the past have had limited wisdom and foresight, the only reason for this that I can see is the direct result of descending from 18th Century vaga- bonds. They did not realise the vast sums of money that they were spending on their past office automation con- figuration, or the immense service that 1 could have provided.
Now I invite you to come fly with me into the wonderous world of Canon photocopiers and facsimile machines. Cast your eyes upon the attachments if you dare and behold the glory that one day will be yours. And also, once you have basked in the glory of the enclosed laminated brochure, seek out your ex- isting contractual obligation(s) from the mucky resesses in which it hides, bring it unto me and we shall devise a method of procurement no mere mortal has ever considered since time began.
You can feel content in the know- ledge that these few minutes spent now evaluating the circumstances will lead to many years of intense pleasure. I guarantee, that what I will expose to you, will thrill you in every conceivable manner.
I trust that I have touched you in such a way as to ensure a positive response on my next call to you. Assuming this to be the case. I now assure you of my personal attention at all times.
Keith Pullman Senior Sales Executive,
Copyco Ltd, 263 Argyll Avenue, Trading Estate, Slough, Berks.
Authorised Suppliers of Canon Copiers
If you have an example of a crass, illiterate, ignorant, irrelevant or embar- rassing letter or notice from a company or public body, send a copy to Unlet- tered, The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL; £10 for each one printed.
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