Q. Please help me. I am being driven mad by
my neighbours. Their garden (v. small) contains a paddling pool, tricycle, trampoline, slide, bouncy ball and barbeque and the children, aged four and two, spend most of their time in the garden screaming. Their parents (and guests every weekend) eat their evening meal (and at weekends lunch) outside, so there is little respite. It is impossible to sit in my garden and I can’t bear to do any gardening. The elder child is presently being treated (successfully) for a brain tumour, so I don’t feel I can go round and say anything. I am single, a university lecturer with flexible hours, and I own two non-barking dogs. Please, how can I get the message across that the noise is unbearable? I can’t stand it much longer.
Name and address withheld A. I am afraid that, with such a well-equipped garden and toddlers of two and four, even if they tried hard to stop it, your neighbours’ noise is likely to go on for at least six years. You might try to do a summer house swap, advertising locally: ‘Academic in search of a quiet life wishes to swap her house and garden with barbecueloving parents of noisy toddlers who would enjoy the freedom of a summer next door to similar.’ Alternatively you might put your leisure hours and academic contacts to profitable use by securing a position for your neighbour as attendant in a pre-school day-care centre to which she could bring her own toddlers.
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