23 JULY 2005, Page 45

YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

Dear Mary

Q. With reference to the problem of middleaged women clad in low-slung jeans with thongs akimbo (25 June), perhaps a poem to cure ‘sartorial lapses’ might be more effective?

Sure, deck your lower limbs in pants: Yours are the limbs, my sweeting. You look divine as you advance Have you seen yourself retreating?

Published by Ogden Nash in 1931 when he was looking at something very different. A translation into German is needed in this area where most of the women behind their shopping trolleys are hugely pear-shaped and the first sighting of a G-string last week attracted a long queue at the check-out.

M.L., Neustadt/Haardt, Germany A. Thank you. The Ogden Nash reminder is welcomed. Perhaps restaurants and pubs in the worst-affected areas could take a lead by banning thong-wearers from their premises.