The usual prizes were o f fered for a 'Silly-Season' news item

with a distinctive 1956 flavour.

WE live, of course, in a perpetual Silly Season-at least so far as certain portions Of the press are concerned. But what I was looking for was something likely to achieve nation-wide fame-on Loch Ness lines- and there were few stories which appeared to possess such potentialities. Some, more- over, were not especially up to date, and Would have served equally well twenty Years ago.

There was a wide diversity of topics: `Things% ghosts; TV phantoms and other strange phenomena; reincarnation of Stalin as a seal; space; Suez; an apparent however, on Windermere whose occupants, nowever, used phrases like 'Pleased to meet You'; robots; sinister Thames ferrymen; radio-active super-rats; Was Shaw a Fraud?'; London-gang warfare; and petrol springs. Honourable mentions to Nancy Gunter (a prize-winner but for exceeding the word- limit and for the 'timelessness' of her story), Cecilia Ognall, D. L. L. Clarke, Guy Hadley and H. C. Greene. A prize of one and a half guineas each to Douglas Haw- son, James Bowker, R. Kennard Davis and A. M. Sayers.

PRIZES

(DOUGLAS HAWSON)

Latest company registration is that of Space Morticians Ltd. The chairman, Mr. I. Can- berry, told our representative that he was a Practical undertaker and the formation of the company was no stunt. 'Cemeteries are getting overcrowded and taking up too much valuable land,' he said. 'By interring our loved ones in space we shall overcome this and at the same time provide an extra element of reverence in the committal of earthly remains to a higher Plane.' By his method the bodies or ashes of the deceased are to be placed in special light alloy cylinders attached to space rockets which Will fall away on reaching the appropriate Position in outer space. 'Scientists assure me,'

says Mr. Canberry, 'that once the cylinders get beyond the pull of gravity they will perpetually hang suspended in space.'

(JAMES BOWKER)

Police of twenty-seven countries have been alerted following the disappearance (reported yesterday in our later editions) of film-star Marjean Moron's bust.

In an exclusive interview with our corre- spondent at her plushy Park Lane penthouse last night, Miss Moron (7-22-34) said: '1 know I had it when I started out for Larry's party. If this is an example of British justice I'm going straight back to Hollywood. Ner- vously crossing her world-famous legs, reputed to he insured for ten million dollars, Marjean -like the grand little trooper she is-smiled through her tears : 'At least they can't take these away from me.'

According to our Political Correspondent, the effect on Anglo-American relations cannot be dismissed, but there is no truth in the rumour that the Prime Minister has cancelled his goodwill visit to Cairo. The Cabinet are remaining in London over the weekend.

(R. KENNARD DAVIS) PAST MADE VISIBLE!

By combining radar and television in a new invention, Dr. Legge-Pullar of Aberdeen claims to have obtained actual sight of long-past events.

The principle is quite simple,' he told our representative. 'Take a star distant 10,000 light-years from the Earth. A scene enacted 20,000 years ago would then be reflected from that star, to be picked up by radar today. By selecting from the many stars available, we shall eventually be abte to put on the television screen any historical event desired. I have myself seen prehistoric monsters at play. I have witnessed the Flood!'

If these stupendous claims are substantiated, all history may have to be rewritten. The Past will live, literally, before our eyes!

Asked how soon his invention would be

generally available, Dr. Legge-Pullar modestly replied, 'Possibly not for years.'

(A. M. SAYERS)

The introduction of dumpy umbrellas for men is creating a tremendous sensation in

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fashionable circles. The craze was started, it is believed, by the D- of E-'s casually protect- ing himself from a shower with a lady's umbrella. He remarked that this article was ever so much more sensible and manageable than its masculine counterpart. Some time later a court functionary, thought to be wearing a ceremonial sword, unsheathed his weapon- and unfurled it over the head of a Very Impor- tant Lady. It is alleged that any jealousy at the encroachment on feminine privilege will be countered by the realisation that a constant threat to ladies' silk stockings will be removed. Smart men will soon be seen carrying dumpies swordwise or slung over the wrist.