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COMPETITION

Hong Kong song

Jaspistos

IN COMPETITION NO. 1983 you were invited to write a poem or song to mark the further diminution of the British Empire when Hong Kong leaves it next month.

Before the war it was quite fashionable to mock the Empire. I remember in the Thirties two dinner-jacketed `cads' called the Western Brothers singing to a piano in exaggeratedly upper-class voices, 'The Dominions, the Protectorates and the Colonies . . . ' with a chorus that went, `Play up, and play the game!' Which of the remaining 13 outposts of empire will be the last to go? It would be nice if it were Pitcairn, population 53, main income from postage stamps — after all, it feels ours, there was nobody there when the Bounty mutineers arrived. Till then, as Nick Syrett put it:

As flags descend and Last Posts expire One consolation soars above the fuss: We're still ahead of Nineveh and Tyre While someone somewhere still depends on us.

Commendations go to Frank McDonald, David Heaton and Chris Tingley. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus bottle of Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch whisky is Ron Rubin's.

Last night I opened up my old school atlas, And looked at all those portions painted pink, And as I pondered and reflected, It made me quite dejected To see how much we've seen our Empire shrink.

Those chunks of land in Africa and Asia, All gone — and what strange names they've since acquired!

Those bits in the Pacific (It's hard to be specific — My memory is going, and I'm tired) ...

And now, alas, Hong Kong's to be relinquished, A circumstance which fills me with dismay: To think this place of magic Should have a fate so tragic As to end up as a Chinese takeaway!

(Ron Rubin) Just a small offshore island of Europe are we That gathered an Empire from over the sea, Half-ruefully minded by oldies like me.

A third of the planet — on maps coloured red — The sun never set on it, so it was said.

But now we are told the old Empire is dead.

Dead? No, its spirit survives everywhere, In cricket and law courts and culinary fare, While English is heard from Kabul to Kildare.

As the world's lingua franca, it's bound to live on For peace-making, commerce and popular song — So Britain is not handing over Hong Kong.

(Barbara Smoker) Do you hear the dirge of a distant gong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong?

There were fourteen, and now there's a gap: Thirteen dependencies left on the map, One hundred and fifty-eight thousand souls, Plus fifty-three, the tocsin tolls. Does anyone mind, does anyone care, Save a few escaped from Tienanmen Square?

Do you hear the dirge of a distant gong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong?

Empire got in absent mind Goes the same way as the other kind — Napoleon, Caesar, Alexander, Far from praise or envious slander.

Do you hear the dirge of a distant gong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong? (T. Griffiths) Where the gin-sling gang once lounged around, Where the gong rang loud and long.

Where the girl-bar boys were glory-bound, They're now singing a new song.

Where the Marxist millionaires collude Like the Mandarins of old, There's a gleeful, gloating attitude To the glint of future gold.

Where no ratline foils the crafty rats And no deck is left unstacked, Where the streets are roofed with lampshade hats, All the valuables are packed.

This 'fragrant harbour' far away Is heading for a bummer. It may be man eats dog today, It's dog eat dog come summer.

(Basil Ransome-Davies) We shall not see those days again, When Britain ruled the boundless main As in the long-forgotten reign Of Queen Victoria.

For now the Empire's sun has set; Past friends have left without regret. Only the old do not forget That aetas aurea.

Next month Beijing receives Hong Kong To expiate some ancient wrong. This `freedom' merits no new song Of glad euphoria.

When soon, on that most dreaded date, Her people meet uncertain fate As subjects of a godless state, Sic transit gloria. (0. Smith)

No. 1986: Reductio ad absurdum

You are invited to reduce the plot of a well-known piece of narrative literature to three limericks. Entries to 'Competition No. 1986' by 5 June.