YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary. .
Q. My old school has decided to organise a dinner for old boys living in France. I would very much like to attend, but am worried that I might have my evening blighted by the presence of an extremely flaky character who was in the year above me at school and whom I had the misfortune to have to manage when we worked together in London. His enforced departure from our stockbroking company (and from the City) will make our next meeting an unpleasant one and, since his pruning from the payroll was the result of his own devious behaviour, I do not see why I should be the one to withdraw from the dinner. Unfortunately, I do not know the organiser of the dinner well enough to explain the situation. What do you suggest I do? He is quite capable of turning up even if he knows that he is going to bump into me, and there will not be enough guests for me to be able to avoid him.
M. E.-J., Paris A. By being one of the last to arrive at the gathering you will avoid the risk of a oneto-one confrontation with your bete noire. Otherwise, you need take no action. It is well documented that whenever two or more old boys are gathered in their school's name, group consciousness instantly reverts to the First Eleven, who did what behind the bicycle shed, and the smell of Marmite sandwiches. As one old boy puts it, 'The
whole thrust of the occasion excludes everything that happened after school as almost an irrelevance. Having been at school together is like having gone through Colditz together aged 13, and is a far more powerful experience than any amount of arsing around in the City.'
Q. Re D.M.C.C.'s dilemma about novel presents for indulged children (21 April). As an auntie blessed with 14 nieces and nephews who are all well looked after by their parents, I invented, years ago, out of desperation, the '$2 Club' (we're all Americans). Even the most indulged prepubescent considers it an honour to be initiated into the 'club' and is thrilled to find a measly $2 inside a greeting card with a loving note suggesting they buy themselves a new coat or treat their friends to a movie. Not only do I always get a likewise sarcastic 'thank-you note' in return; last summer I
overheard one discreetly asking another if she were a member!
A.H, Devon A. Thank you for your tip. Readers with large families may well wish to set up their own clubs. More people would acknowledge birthdays were they just a matter of posting $2. For the recipient, the cumulative effect of a postbag full of these symbols of identity and affection must be far more reassuring than any tower of 'novel' material goods, each one tainted with the fury and frustration of the purchaser.
Q. A guest coming to stay with me for a Georgina von Etzdorf sale down here wants to buy me a token of her appreciation. How do I not pounce on the most expensive things in the room, which I know she will feel she has to stump up for, and which I shall want to buy and feel I can't in case she does?
P.L., Hampshire A. Bring a third party with you to the sale. Indicate your favoured items by a prearranged set of signals, and allow that person to make the purchases on your behalf, thus freeing you to wait passively until your friend invites your opinion of something within her price range which she feels might be attractive to you.
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