27 APRIL 1996, Page 23

Burning urgency

HERE comes the next mad cow crisis: a shortage of cattle crematoria. This industry is new to me, but I gather that burning 50,000 cows a year would stretch it to capacity, and ministers have nerved them- selves to slaughter millions. The solution I prefer is to build cow power stations. Cows, after all, are a renewable resource. As Anna Russell said of the plot of the Ring cycle, I am not making this up.