Your Problems Solved
Dear Maly Q. Unlike your correspondent J.G. of Bath, I received a prompt and fulsome letter from my 15-year-old godson thanking me for the money I had sent him at Christmas. Unfortunately, this year I had sent no gifts of any kind to any of my godchildren. I did sheepishly admit this to his mother, but she refused to believe me. What should I do to rectify this?
A.R., East Sussex A. The boy may have mixed you up with another godparent in a case of embarrass de richesse. You should resolve the matter by sending him some cash anyway. Remind him as you do so that there may well be another godparent to whom he owes a letter — he having possibly thanked you in error instead of the genuine beneficiary. Bear in mind that the child may have been hying to prompt you to deliver your usual goods, in which case you must admire his cunning.
Q. I can sympathise with your correspondent complaining about his illmannered godson but I have experienced far worse treatment from one of my own godchildren, now in his thirties. We had always got on well and used to have lunch regularly when he was in his teens. However, he then started not thanking me for presents, usually cash, and when I wrote him a letter saying I was offended by this — it had then happened at least two or three times — I got no reply. A few years later I made one more effort and invited him to a communal garden party as he was staying across the road. Again, I got no answer whatsoever. Last September he got married and I sent him a 00-odd wedding present. (I am an old friend of his mother and thought it would be petty not to send anything.) I have heard nothing. I am now burning with a desire for revenge and wonder if you can suggest anything? My other three godchildren are charming and I get on very well with the last one, who lives in Ireland and is in his early teens. When he writes to thank me, he always takes the trouble to write a delightful and interesting letter.
E.S., W11 A. The following punishment was inadvertently meted out by a godmother to her serially offending godson. At a dinner party she overheard the name of his embryo servicing company being used by the man opposite, a powerful banker. Naturally she announced that the company was run by her godson. 'How interesting!' cried the man. 'And was he a good godson? Did he always write and thank you for your presents?' Without considering the consequences of her admission the godmother confessed that he did not, whereupon her neighbour's face darkened. 'That tells me all I need to know about him and his servicing company.' The contract, which would have been worth many thousands of pounds per year to the godson, went elsewhere. It would do no harm for you to customise a variant of this cautionary tale, with yourself and your godson as protagonists, and have it leaked to him via a third party with the emphasis on how terrible you felt about having unwittingly done him out of a considerable sum of money.
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