SEX AND SOCIETY
What Should I Tell My Daughter?
By our Medical Correspondent JOHN ROWAN WILSON
0 NE of the most tragic phenomena in the modern world is a society which has lost its rigid tribal standards without gaining any- thing from a more modern sophisticated way of living to take their place. Much has been written about the pitiable conditions of the detribalised Africans in Johannesburg and the Indians of Peru and Guatemala. It is worth while con- sidering how far we ourselves are the victims of a similar process.
So far as sex is concerned, Britain shows many of the characteristics of a detribalised com- munity. The old religious and social taboos have lost their meaning for the young and it is no longer possible for parents to control the sexual drive of their adolescent children by threatening them with hell-fire or the ostracism of decent people. Competing for influence with the old tribal morality is an insidious new influence, the teenage cult, with its emphasis on freedom and excitement and the enjoyment of transient ex- perience. It is not, of course, impossible for parents to compete with this cult, if they are extremely intelligent and determined, and if they are able to maintain great prestige with their children, but such parents are the exception. Most mothers and fathers are average, rather be- wildered people, conscious that their children look on them as old-fashioned and out of touch. Yet they are tormented by the feeling that they have a duty to perform, and that if they do nothing and the children go wrong, they will be at least to some extent to blame.
While the problem exists with the boys, it is dwarfed in the minds of most parents by the much more agonising problem of the girls. Inter- course before marriage, sometimes at an early age, is now the rule rather than the exception. The number of illegitimate births in England and Wales has nearly doubled in ten years— from 32,000 in 1954 to 63,000 in 1964. In addi- tion to this, in 1963 some 63.000 children were born within eight months of marriage. About a quarter of first-born children are conceived out of wedlock. In these circumstances, the old in- junction to a daughter to save herself for the man she is. going to marry begins to look hope- lessly unrealistic. But what is the alternative? Is it to accept the inevitable and to educate the girl in the necessary precautions against preg- nancy and venereal disease? Or does this tacitly condone and even encourage a form of behaviour which the parent regards as completely wrong? What, in fact, can a parent say to a teenage daughter which is going to make any real sense in the conditions of 1966?
One approach to the situation which is surely doomed to failure is an artificial compromise with the teenage cult. Attempts by religious bodies to infiltrate the adolescent world with ton-up parsons and swinging nuns have given the rather pathetic impression of a witch-doctor trading in his leopard-skin for a second-hand frock-coat. They have sacrificed their traditional dignity without being in the least degree convincing in their new role. The teenage cult and religion have no genuine point of contact, since the cult is based on fashion, herd instinct and sensual excitement, all of which are directly contrary to traditional religious values. The cult is also opposed to adult values generally, and grown-up
people who try to get into contact with the next generation by faking an interest in pop music not only fail in their object but make themselves ridiculous into the bargain.
What worries mothers most, if they are honest, is not so much the moral as the social aspect of promiscuity. That is why they worry so much more about the girls than the boys. It is bad enough that they have intercourse, but what is much more alarming is the frequency with which they become pregnant. This is the constant night- mare of every woman with a teenage daughter. To most of us the reason for these pregnancies seems fairly obvious, and in discussing them I propose to put aside certain psychological theories, such as that the girls become pregnant deliberately to get even with their mothers. My assumption is that they become pregnant in a way which has been accepted from time imme- morial—by accident, thoughtlessness, or just plain ignorance.
Ignorance is still a very potent fdactor, in spite of sex education in schools. It is one thing to have a working knowledge of reproductive physiology and quite another to be aware of the actual conditions under which much human sexual experience occurs, and the hazards asso- ciated with these conditions. Here I propose to go into detail, and I hope none of my readers will be offended by this. It is my contention that the tendency to talk in general terms, rather than getting down to the actual physical problems in- volved, is responsible for the disappointing results of most sex education.
The first thing to emphasise is that contracep- tion today is still an awkward and inconvenient business. Even if you wanted to, there is really no question of telling your daughter to be a happy uninhibited Brave New World Girl with a contraceptive kit in her handbag which she puts on before intercourse in the same way as she changes into gym-shoes for a game of tennis. The fact is that when teenage girls have inter- course, they don't do it in a room with bath at the Savoy Hotel—it is a matter of the park at night, the back seat of a car, a hurried scramble in the front room with Mum and Dad snoring upstairs. In these conditions, the most effective modern contraceptive methods might just as well never have been invented. For a cervical cap, you need an appointment with a gynaecologist, a certain amount of manual dexterity, and a handy bathroom. For the contraceptive pill, you need a degree of systematic organisation which is quite unrelated to the hasty seductions which are the precursors of most unwanted pregnancies. The so-called intra-uterine device, too, is only really suitable for married people. This leaves us with the protective sheath, which is by no means a hundred per cent 'efficient and for which the girl is dependent on the man anyway.
It needs to be emphasised, therefore, that this type of casual intercourse cannot be made safe against pregnancy. Nor can it be made safe against venereal disease, which is nowadays an increasing hazard. Reported cases of gonorrhoea, for instance, have been going up by about 4 per cent each year since 1954. In 1964, 38,000 new cases were seen at special clinics in Britain and the percentage of young people infected, especi- ally girls. is constantly on the increase. Just under half the patients are under twenty-five. There is a widely-held be)ief that a rubber sheath gives adequate protection against gonorrhoea, but this is not so. One of the reasons for this is that it is almost always put on at the last moment, after some genital contact has already occurred —one can get gonorrhoea without full penetra- tion and many people do. Nor, to explode another illusion, is venereal disease confined to sailors, foreigners or the lower classes. In one busy London clinic, it is estimated that one- quarter of the patients come from the so-called middle-income groups. Nor does a girl have to be promiscuous to get it. All she has to do is have intercourse with a promiscuous young man. Which, nowadays, means almost any young man.
If it is unwise to have intercourse, what can a girl do? One has to face the fact that young men nowadays are simply not prepared to settle for a chaste kiss at bed-time. In recent years much attention in medical circles has been centred on what is known delicately as 'heavy petting.' This, in more precise language, is mutual stimulation, by manual means, to the point of climax. Seen as an alternative to full sexual intercourse, this has very definite advantages. You cannot get pregnant and you cannot get venereal disease. It does not leave either partner sexually unsatis- fied. There is no physiological or medical reason against it. Moreover, it is a great deal easier to manage than full sexual intercourse. As any- one with experience knows, full sexual inter- course, for its satisfactory performance, requires plenty of room and a fair amount of practice with the same partner. Otherwise synchronisation is very difficult to attain, and the girl faces a great deal of risk for what turns out to be an extremely disappointing experience. With a partner you don't know very well, heavy petting is almost always preferable. The objections to it tend to be of a somewhat indefinite nature, based on the vague grounds that it isn't the real thing, and it is often associated with greater feelings of guilt than full sexual intercourse. This is surely irrational.
What, then, would I tell a daughter of mine? Firstly, that full sexual intercourse with pene- tration cannot be made safe against pregnancy or venereal disease, and that if any young man says it can be, he is either lying for the benefit of his own vested interest, or, more likely, simply doesn't know what he is talking about. Secondly. I would try to explain to her the possibilities short of full intercourse and tell her that there is really no sense at all in going further than heavy petting, which will give her and her boy- friend a more satisfactory experience, without leaving them both in a state of acute anxiety about the possible consequences. I am well aware of the difficulties of making an explanation of this kind, but I think it should be made just the same. I would also say that if ever she is so unfortunate as to get pregnant, she should come to me straight away, and if she contracts a venereal disease she should go to a hospital. where they would not only easily cure her, but also treat her with sympathy and consideration.
Finally, I would say this, that every sensible person should take a long-term attitude towards sex. It is one of the greatest pleasures we have, and it seems a pity to run the risk of turning the whole experience sour with unwanted preg- nancies, abortions and various forms of infec- tions. If we are fond of oysters, we take a great deal of trouble to avoid eating bad ones, for fear one bout of poisoning may put us off this delicate experience for good. It doesn't seem unreasonable to be equally cautious about sex.
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