Needs
Our needs are really very mild, so please don’t be too critical, if we just crave a little seal, to decorate our winter coat. Don’t show those bloody, mashed up cubs, it spoils our pleasure, gives us guilt to see the virgin snow stained red, and quite distressing for the kids. We love our s.u.v. so much, it’s big and strong and rules the road, don’t tell us how we heat the globe, it spoils the little fun we have. The ice-cap melting’s not our fault, it’s all those planes that stain the sky, of course we like to fly each year but global warming’s not our fault, the scientists will find a way, to make those jolly ice-caps stay. I really love my snakeskin boots, and now you say it’s very cruel, but snakes are really slimy brutes and now they’re farmed, so it’s ok, and men must make a living anyway. And oh those shocking, violent thugs who love the animals more than us and want to stop us using them to test the latest wondrous drug. When they put prods inside the brains of monkeys, and even cats and dogs, they do it just because they must, because it helps the human race, and I’m quite sure they don’t feel pain, and think of all the things we’ve found, by cutting open a living brain.
So please don’t be too critical, it hurts our treasured way of life, and now they want to stop our hunts, to stop us killing fox and deer when what we do is natural, and has been so for many years, it keeps us sane and trains the kids and keeps the countryside untamed.
So please don’t be too critical, mankind is after all the king of all that lives and moves and swims, and that’s why God chose us to think, to be above the common beasts, so let’s enjoy and hunt and kill, and don’t be greedy, just eat your fill.
So if I wear my sealskin coat don’t spit at me and spoil my day, if beasts could speak I’m sure they’d say we’re really happy to go this way, we’re here to serve the human race, it makes a lot of sense you know, so please don’t be too critical.
© Steven Berkoff
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