28 APRIL 2001, Page 63

Q. I recently attended a weekend party in the country with many of my old-time uni

versity friends. Since some of them had to travel a long way home by train, I happily offered my house for the night to a few, so that they could take the journey at a less frantic pace. When returning home in my car, a certain back-seat driver — known for her assertiveness — persisted in trying to tell me which roads to take and where, even in my own area. As she lives nearly 200 miles away, I felt rather vexed by this situation. I have often longed for a polite, yet firm put-down for use in this oftoccurring situation. Any ideas, Mary?

B.C.T., London A. Why not cry out, 'This is really exciting! I've been taking this same route home for the last ten years and I had no idea there was a better way!' Then offer to pull over so that your back-seat driver can fully talk you through the details of her own preferred route — perhaps even write down the instructions — on the grounds that 'I've always responded badly to having directions given to me as I'm driving along. People have done it to me in the past and I have to say there is a risk of my having an accident.' This will serve to button her lip.

Mary Killen