Facts of life

A TEACHER'S DAY-1 DAVID ROGERS

'Yeah, an' do you know, the only bleedin' thing Jesus ever said about adultery was 'im without sin to cast the first stone. The only bleedin' thing 'e ever said. Now, I don't believe, but I reckon 'e just about got it right' Slicker the Vicar made his sole contribution to the discussion about sex, sank back in his seat, extracted the bubblegum from his inkwell, and resumed chewing. Outside the rain clouds scurried above the East End, following the Ford heavies down Commercial Road to Dagenham. Inside, in classroom four, on the top floor of a solid Victorian secondary school, a group of five school-leavers were taking part—in varying degrees—in their weekly discussion lesson. There was Slicker, who always seemed to manage a Biblical quotation, and so had the obvious nickname; Mickey the Kid, who wore cowboy boots with gleaming spurs: McNeil, who was called Nigger ('You're not English —you're a Scottish nigger,' said Slicker on the first day of term); Gentleman John, who for some reason or other came by train each day from Mitcham and had a slightly southern accent. (South of Tooting Broadway, that is.) And then there was Hughes, wild and excitable, who had no nickname but answered to the call of, *0y, Gyppo.'

This morning the topic they %%anted to dis- cuss was sex, and Slicker, true to form, had weighed in early, on the principle that he would then be left to chew in peace.

'What's adultery?'

'It's when you have it away with a friend's wife.'

'Only it don't have to be a friend—do it, sir?'

'But that's different.' Gentleman John was being serious. 'Because adultery affects mar- riage, so it's bound to-cause a lot of fuss. But what I want to know is why does everyone make such a fuss if people sleep together and they're not married—not to anyone?'

'Yeah,' put in Mickey the Kid, 'my girt friend's ole man didn't like it much when he came back one day and found me shafting his girl in the passage.'

'It's 'cos we got opportunities that they never had, know what I mean?' said McNeil. 'I mean, if all they say is true when they were young the birds weren't very keen on it. I read a book by some bloke, an' he reckoned that in those days the birds weren't supposed to enjoy it.'

'A throwback to Victoria,' commented Gentleman John.

'Sounds kinky,' said Hughes, 'who is this bird, Victoria?'

'No, you gyppo,' went on Mickey, undaunted, 'it's 'cos they couldn't get the contraceptives. So they didn't risk it.'

'Well,' asked Hughes, 'can -you get contra- ceptives?'

'Course. From the pub on the corner. There's a machine in the bog.'

'Don't you think that's wrong, sir? You know, unhygienic, having to get 'em from a boa? We should be able to get 'em -like the Indians do.' 'Like the Indians do?'

'Yeah. Some time last term there was this bloke what came round and said all about the population getting bigger an' all that till it all went bang. Any road, they're trying to get all the natives to fit their women up. Well, what I want to know is—what about us? It ain't no use stopping the Indians breeding if you don't help us get contraceptives, and,' there was real resentment in his tone, 'they're too bleeding expensive for one-night stands.'

'But they're not a hundred per cent, are they? 'Cept the pill. Now I live with my sister, an' she's married an' she's on the pill. . .

'Go on. What are they like, gyppo?' asked Mickey.

'Cute, real cute. All with days of the week round them, so you know if you've taken one each day. She takes it with her boiled egg each morning.'

'Sir,' asked McNeil, 'why don't the Govern- ment put the pill on the National Health, so that any girl can get it, married or not?'

'Why not put all contraceptives on the 'Ealth Service?' asked another. 'Or at least make 'em a bit cheaper.'

'I know,' said Gentleman John. 'It's 'cos they think we are randy enough already, and if they encourage us to use birth control we will get out of control,' Outside a glimmer of sunlight filtered through the raindrops, and patterned the wall oppo- site. 'Well,' I asked, 'would it encourage you to sleep around if it were made easier for you to get contraceptives?'

There was a chorus. 'Course not.' If you're going to do it, you'll do it, won't you?' asked Hughes, giving me a fixed glare. 'Anyway,' said Gentleman John quietly, 'that's a choice we've got to make for ourselves.'

'And,' said Mickey, 'less abortions and less bastards.' They all nodded, seriously. 'I reckon instead of that Abortion Bill we talked about with Mr Smith in current affairs, the Govern- ment ought to spend more money on birth control; know what I mean?' The Kid was pre- pared to develop his argument, but Hughes, his face going red with excitement, butted in. 'I've just remembered something that's bleeding true. You remember when we did that project on advertising with that student bloke?' They all grinned. It had been a disastrous school-prac- tice session for the student. 'Well, he said that advertising used sex to get at us. Bleeding true.'

From his pocket he pulled a crumpled page from a glossy magazine. It showed a naked girl holding a bottle of after-shave lotion. Hughes was so overcome with the truth that he had discovered that it took some time, but at last he managed, triumphantly: 'Well, then —what the hell has she got to do with shaving?'

The class was very impressed, except for Mickey, who yelled, 'What you carrying that round for, you old gyppo?' Gentleman John said, 'He's right, sir, it's like what the man said on telly, last night.' All the class listened intently: they had a great respect for telly, but Gentleman John was the only one who could ever remember properly what had been said the night before. 'He said that teenagers were being exploited—because of their curi- osity in sex—an' that society wasn't safeguard- ing them.'

'Do you agree with that?' I asked them.

'I don't know about that,' said Hughes, 'but advertisers don't give no contraceptives away, do they?'