28 JULY 1990, Page 35

Strait is the Gate

'An increasing number of pupils are being educated at independent schools, and about 50 per cent of the parents who choose this for their children were not themselves educated privately.' (The Independent, 19.10.89) Our local Grammar's just like all the others: Wide social mix and difficult of access.

Uncertain vowels can mean unmarried mothers (Which makes you wonder why we pay our taxes), And the other place (let us not speak of it) Our high-achieving children will, no doubt, Through reading, figuring, cramming, native wit, Avoid, and if they don't, we'll buy them out.

Academy, House, Hall, High School, Castle, College Prospectuses of kids preposterous in Togs of a type that, to my certain knowledge, Clothed no. grown man since Neville Chamberlain, But still the insistent wisdom of the town, They do talk nice.

We put our darlings down.

John Whitworth