28 NOVEMBER 1908, Page 10

MEN AND MANNERS.

TT is a singular world which is peopled by the bright creations of those who write books 'on manners. These works have long earned the indulgent affection of those who would enjoy a change of social scenery without the expense of travelling abroad. In them you may learn of customs in your own country of which you had always been ignorant, and with their help you may become a distinguished member of society,—distinguished by your observance of the rules of conduct prescribed. Some time ago Mrs. Humphry wrote a book called "Manners for Men," and followed it with another called "Etiquette for Every Day," and now we have " More Manners for Men " (John F. Shaw, ls. net), as though manners were an accumulated accomplish- ment and you could go on indefinitely adding to your collection. The men who read "Manners for Men" and straightway put its injunctions into effect have evidently been far from perfect all these years. Possibly even this new book will not make them perfect, for—who knows P—Mrs. Humphry may -halve another book in contemplation to be called, perhaps, "Still More Manners for Men." There can be no real end, indeed, to the exploration of the social world of Mrs. Huruphry's vision. It is symbolised for us by such a wide and fascinating question (likely to lure on any traveller of spirit) as "Are Engaged Girls Greedy?"

Let us imagine some incidents in the varied but correct life of a young man who has made up his mind to avoid social solecisms with Mrs. Humphry's help. He is asked to

luncheon. The young man," we are told, " wears either frock coat and silk hat or morning coat and morning gloves, whether grey, yellow, brown, &c." His doubts, aroused by this antithesis, whether he is to wear evening gloves or no gloves with the frock coat, or no top hat with the morning coat —whether, in fact, the gloves are an alternative to the hat— will be resolved, we may hope, in Mrs. Humphry's next book. "He leaves his hat and stick in the hall, entrusting them to the care of the servant, or servants." Perhaps the second suggestion is the more weighty ; entrusting them to "the servants" distributes the responsibility. Or might it not bo possible to commit the hat to the special care of one servant and the stick to the special care of another P Then the greatcoat might be mentioned in the next book. For it is possible that our young man would be in real anxiety about this. It would be an easy matter for Mrs. Humphry, and perhaps a great one for him, that he should be warned against carrying it with him to luncheon and putting it under his chair.

After luncheon let us suppose him going to his club. Here he must pull himself together. He must remember the rules. " One of the first things that a young man who has joined a club is obliged to learn is that it is not correct to bestow tips on waiters or any of the servants of the club. This is always rather a surprise to the novice, but he must get accustomed to it." We will assume that our young man has compered his surprise, and that, now quite accustomed to his surroundings, he sits down in a serene state of mind 'to write some letters. He has been asked to stay in a country house, and here is his answer

DEAR Mils.

How kind of you to think of me. I have the greatest pleasure in accepting your invitation for Thursday the 15th to Tuesday the 20th. I have heard much about the beauty of your country and am looking forward to the pleasure of seeing you again, and passing a few days with you and your charming family. Believe me very sincerely yours P.S.—I have heard from and he is very happy in the prospect of his visit to you."

In the afternoon our young man happens to travel some- where by train, and plays his part in the following episode, which we quote fully in Mrs. Humphry's cautionary words

- "lbw smirking self-assurance of a young woman in a first-class railway carriage amused the other occupants one day when returning from some fashionable races. She was ushered in by the guard, as the third-class carriages were all full. Passing down the Woad carriage, she knocked against someone, who, after the fashion of the well-bred, Apologised to her for what was entirely her own fault. The unnecessarily sweet smile with which she affably proddnnced the word Granted ' caused smiles orAnother character to appear, not only on the face of the person Addressed, but Of others of the party. Seating herself beside this gentleman, she at once entered into conversation with him about the weather, the events of the day at the races, and other topics, to which he replied in monosyllables. The other members of the party sat listening, and at last it seemed to dawn upon the young woman that her attempts at conversation were somewhat out of place, so she subsided into silence, after genially looking round the railway carriage, and remarking, Thirsty weather, I call it.' Now this young woman did nothing that was absolutely incorrect, except, of course, in using the word granted' in 'reply to an apology, but her dress, her manner, her free way of •entering into talk with a man she had never seen before in her,life, and the whole atmosphere that she exhaled, in a social sense, were so absolutely opposed to the society in which she acCidenttilly found herself, that she made a lasting, if not a 'very agreeable, impression. As to her final remark, no doubt it was •echoed most heartily by at least the men who were present, as the day had been very hot and sultry, but it almost seemed as though she were asking for something to drink, a 'supposition that would be most carefully avoided by a well- bred woman. I only mention this incident in order to point out dhow very easy it is to make a social solecism,—one that indicates a want of breeding according to the canons of good society."

.Very easy indeed! And these pitfalls eternally yawn for the

innwary. But nil desperandum with Mrs. Humphry for our leader and Mrs. Humpbry for our omen-giver.

. In the evening our young man goes to a dinner-party, bearing himself with that self-possession which marks the .students of. books on manners. " Arrived in the hall," says Mrs. Humphry, "the- servants take his hat, overcoat, &c., and he is announced in the drawing-room, which he enters with his white gloves on." Presently the guests go down to dinner,

and our •young man behaves in the following way :—" Having found his apportioned [sic] place, he places the lady whom he

takes in on his right, and places himself beside her. He now removes his gloves. During this time be must keep up a little small talk, not entering upon any serious or important subject until the dinner is a little advanced." Meanwhile there is a useful maxim to bear in mind: "It is unusual to crumble bread in any quantity into one's soup." In her next book

Mrs. Humphry might be more precise, and name the exact quantity which she thinks might legitimately be crumbled,—

an ounce, or two ounces, as the case might be. "Some men have a very untidy way of eating, and make their plates look far from pleasing by strewing the food all over them. The well-bred young man manages better than this. He eats in small morsels and absolutely without sound of any kind. If he takes sauce be puts it one side of his plate, and manages without dropping any of it on his shirt-front." Hence, of course, the familiar phenomenon of the world unmistakably .dividing itself into two classes according as the men have, or have not, their shirt-fronts bespattered with sauce. At the end of the evening the prescribed form for the young man is .this :—" When he takes his leave for the night he says good- evening to any lady with whom he has been in conversation, and then says good-night to his host and hostess, with a word of thanks for their hospitality." The slight verbal differences in the treatment of fellow-guests and the host and hostess are subtle and pleasing, and worthy of, the world as Mrs. Humphry sees it. "By the way," she adds, have I mentioned that he

-need not resume his gloves after dinner?" The answer to this is in the negative. •

• Later in the evening our well-coached young man goes on • to-a dance. For of course be must be able to dance. " The • young man who wishes to shine in society must acquire the art of dancing skilfully. I say must for want of a less imperative word." If Mrs. Humphry really wants a leas imperative word, we suggest "may." There are others, but this would do well enough in a subsequent edition. We read on :—" After each dance he must invite his partner to repair

to the refreshment buffet. Even if she refuse, his duty is to walk with her for a few moments before restoring her to her chaperon." Others, less correct no doubt, have been known to sit down. Mrs. Humpbry's instruction is all on the side of health, and if his partner should feel a little tired, the young

man could exhort her with a few suitable and cheering words to.persevere in the parade. - If he honestly felt that he had

done his best in such matters throughout the evening, be could make his calls without misgiving after the dance "in order to inquire" whether his friends "have suffered in any way from fatigue, or draughts, &c., Sm."

A young man who behaves strictly on these lines will look forward to receiving his reward some day. lie will hope tc get married. But how shall he propose P Mrs. Humpbry discusses the methods : " When a man writes his proposal tc a girl he has to wait several hours at least before be can possibly Lope for a reply." This is so, if we assume that too girl will not telegraph, or send a special messenger, or tele- phone. Sooner or later, however, our young man will become engaged, and then there is the picturesque ceremony of intro- ducing his fiancée to his family :—" It is not at all necessary to shake hands when introduced, though usual to do so when circumstances point to a lengthened acquaintance, or when introducing some one known to other members of the family. For instance, a young man introducing his fiancée to any member of hie own family or circle of aoquaintances would expect to see both parties shake bands." We should entertain some apprehensions, we admit, if both parties did net. But we shall take it for granted that every one in our young man's world is instructed in Mrs. Humphry's code; and therefore we can feel that the "lengthened acquaintance" is assured which is inaugurated by the correct but cordial act she sanctions. Happy in that conviction, we leave him to dis- tinguish himself as much as may be till he can add to his store of accomplishments with the help of the next book from his indefatigable mentor.