YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. My regular dining companion annoys me intensely by eating the feta cheese and olives out of Greek salads. These happen to be my favourites as well, and I have explained to her on a number of occasions that the international rules of salad-eating etiquette require each person to take their portion of the salad by random dip, and not to pick the good bits and leave everyone else with just the lettuce and tomato. She maintains that the rule is 'First in gets the feta'. How can I convince her of the folly of her ways without making a scene?
P.J.S., New Farm, Brisbane, Australia A. Prepare a Greek salad in your own home for your friend's consumption. Scatter it generously with cubes of India rubber. As her jaws lock in alarm, chuckle pleasantly, `Oh, didn't you realise? The India rubber is just for garnish. You're not supposed to eat itl' This method will ensure that her rapa- ciousness in self-serving is inhibited in all future incidents in which you eat Greek sal- ads together.
Q. The Irish Times once tackled the ques- tion of how to speed the not-so-parting guest and suggested that the host say, `Who'd like to join me in a decade of the rosary?' Ireland is, of course, a Catholic country, where such a suggestion can be made, and it does work. I went to the Wex- ford Festival by train one year with an elderly friend, and our compartment filled up. He smiled around the assembled com- pany and said, 'Would anyone like to join me in a decade of the rosary?' As the last one left, he gave a mischievous chuckle and we got on with our talk.
P.H.D., Budapest, Hungary A. Thank you for this thought-provoking tip, which would still have relevance in many Irish scenarios.
Q. New neighbours who work in the music `industry' have become friends, despite the fact that we have little in common except for living only two miles away from one another. We always enjoy their company enormously, but a problem arises with their so-called entourage because, when we invite this couple to dinner, there is invari- ably a last-minute telephone call during which a request is drawled out that at least two of these extra people should come along too. It is not that we mind the extra quantities of food or drink, only that we do not have the mental energy, or the inclina- tion, to attempt to find common ground with a transient parade of hangers-on most of whom are not even famous. How can we say no in future, without appearing to be pompous Sloanes?
Name and address withheld A. Next time you invite these neighbours, casually drop the fact that you have hired a highly temperamental cook for the evening who is supposed to be something of a genius, so you hope that the food will be good. If you already have a cook, announce apropos of nothing that he or she has become very temperamental recently. Then, when they ring up to make their usual request, say, 'Oh my goodness, no. I'm far too terrified of our cook to ask if we could have more people.'
Q. What puddings are currently fashionable among the health-conscious?
P.S., Wallingford, Oxfordshire A. Grilled fruit served with natural bio- yogurt and maple syrup.
Mary Killen
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