Polysynthesis

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 343 Report by R. Kennard Davis The usual prize was offered for a completion, in not more than ten lines, of '0 where, 0 where is Polygon?' I asked of Silicate.

'Ii there has been a more idiotic competi- tion than this, I have not met it,' wrote one competitor, and he followed up the remark with a 'Hymn of Hate' that cheered me on my way as, armed with a dictionary, I ploughed through sheet after sheet of mangled and tortured English. I am dis- posed to agree with his sentiments; but, to judge by the number of entries, an occa- sional descent into idiocy is not unwelcome.

Some screeds required great powers of divination to interpret. Only after con- siderable puzzling could I make out that

I sedulous use Luther pair That Mogador Judaea was intended to represent I said 'You louse ! You slew the pair ! That Mog adored you, dear!'

Elspeth achieved the most elaborate pun with

Ah! Poliomyelitis fled And dark are all my skies!

But Joyce Johnson ran her close with 'That Judicate is mad' cried he,

'Ask Benefits not true.'

'Ask Beneficial swim!' I jeered.

The obscurities of scientific terminology were ransacked for puns by some com- petitors. I have learned quite a number of new words. I now know, for example, that `nostoc' is a kind of gelatinous unicellular algae, a piece of information that I mean to cherish.

In awarding the prizes I have been swayed by a preference for the less recon- dite, for verse that runs smoothly, and for entries that showed some faint glimmerings of sense. These conditions eliminated the vast majority, but left a 'short list' of about a dozen.

Two guineas each to P. M. (for the first

of three good entries), E. M. Parker and A. W. Dicker;

Commendation to L. S. C., A. M. Sayers, Goodwill, W. K. Holmes and Canon R. H. Soar.

PRIZES (p. M.) A POLYPHASE

'0 where, 0 where is Polygon?'

1 asked of Silicate.

'She's gonophore her palmary, l hope on a mandate.

The whole thing's rather Sadducee She really automate But hangs around for that Dudgeon To try his dead-pantechnicon-

Why cantilever girl alone?'

Said Kate in her most acetone, And broke a tea-pot annelid ,(But no one cared what Katydid).

(E. M. PARKER)

'0 where, 0 where is Polygon?'

I asked of Silicate.

She said, 'Now don't'ee Carrion, Her's courtin' wi Dictate.

Our Poll did Castanet for he; Her snuggled up a Guinea, So now he's sittin Zuider-Zee.

Our `Poll would Piccaninny Her's Maida-Vale an' all, you zee.'

'0 cease!' I cried. 'I pray.

My Policy is not for me,' And drove my Caraway.

(A. W. DICKER)

'0 where, 0 where is Polygon?' I asked of Silicate, 'Maybe she does find Persecute, But why make Pennyweight?' She said, '0 please don't Natterjack, You know Aunt Millicent To say she fears that Dynamite Find out what Rudiment. Now run and see if Billican

Tell me what Correlate.' With that she put her Pinion—

You just can't Altercate.

COMMENDED s. c.)

'0 where, 0 where is Polygon'?'

I asked of Silicate.

'Is she but leading Billion And making Tesselate?'

'The minx! She labelled Persecute (On him she saw Nankeen). She then pretended Jackwood suit And wore poor Sibylline.'

'Her goings-on hit Milliard

When Regicide in hope—

If thuswise Polyspast is scarred How shall young Horoscope?'

(A. M. SAYERS)

'0 where, 0 where has Polygon?' I asked of Silicate.

'Why, Ted, she's taken billion; She'll prove at estimate !' 'Yes, she's gone off with billeted,' Said Kate, 'and there's thirsting; I wish he'd quit that filleted, And buy poor catering!'