YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. I am forever meeting people who grand- ly announce that they are artists or writers, although I know that they have not exhibit- ed a single painting or had one sentence published — nor will they ever. (In this neck of the woods there are more 'artists' around than there are seagulls.) I find these claims to creativity intensely irritating and embarrassing, especially since I have myself achieved a modest writing and painting suc- cess which I never boast about. Last week, at a private view, I was accosted by a man Who enquired if I was a painter. When I firmly replied, 'No,' he said, smugly, adjust- ing a puce cravat, 'Oh, you're a writer like me then, are you?' I was incandescent. Mary, can you help?
R.B., West Cornwall A. Thank you for your query. Other corre- spondents have reported similar provoca- tions. One way of dealing with the annoy- ance of being asked if you are a writer or artist is to laugh lightly and then reply, 'No, actually buy books/pictures. Someone has to. In fact I would be very interested in buy- ing yours. From which gallery/publisher can I make the purchase?'
Q. How can I get off the telephone when friends ring up and are boring on? I am hopeless at just being firm.
C.C., Worcs A. Nip along to a toyshop and buy a toy mobile telephone made by Fisher Price which retails at £6.99. This educational aid is most useful as one of its buttons triggers a highly convincing telephone ringing effect. You can keep the device by your telephone and set the ringing a-going when you have had enough of a conversation. You can then say to your interlocutor, 'Oh bother, there's my other phone going. I'd better get off the line and answer it.'
Q. My husband and I recently invited friends of ours — a couple with young chil- dren — to Sunday lunch. On the Saturday morning the father telephoned us, first, to confirm the time of their arrival, and, sec- ond, to stipulate the necessity of our eating at a particular time — 12.30 p.m. on the dot — in order to conform with the children's routine. As a childless couple ourselves, I imagine we may be seen as incapable of appreciating the full importance of the minutiae of family life. Nevertheless, surely it is for hosts to determine such matters as the timing of a meal and not for guests to dictate terms? I would stress that I am very fond of our friends and their children, but their behaviour in this instance placed a severe strain upon my hospitable inclina- tions. Have you any comment or advice for future reference? .
V.O., Bristol A. Next time you invite the family to lunch say pleasantly, 'I know the children like to eat at 12.30. That's a bit early for us, so I'll have something ready for them, and per- haps you could bring a nanny along to give it to them.'
Mary Killen
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