REPORT ON COMPETITION NO. 14

COMPLAINTS are believed to issue from progressive nurseries to the effect that all existing nursery rhymes are out of date, and prizes were consequently offered for new nursery rhymes, based on the old models, but adapted to suit the circum- stances of our time. This was a popular competition, with a fair proportion of good entries. A few competitors confined themselves to straightforward parodies, which would amuse adults but leave the nursery cold, but the majority produced rhymes which at any rate sophisticated children could enjoy. Naturally there was a strong family resemblance between some entries. " Goosey, gooney gander " was particularly popular, and several versions were almost identical. The best were Mr. E. Rowe-Dutton's and Miss Ann Tizard's (unduly cynical though it is to be hoped her last line is), which are printed below:

Propa-, propa- ganda British Propaganda Whither do you wander? Whither do you wander?

Upstairs and downstairs Home front and overseas And in an Upper Chamber. And into Goebbels' chamber There I saw a Noble Lord There I meet a bad lie Who talked about War Aims, • That ought to be denied, So I took him by his Left leg So I take off my hat and And threw him in the Thames. Politely step aside.

Miss Tizard also submitted the following pleasant rhyme, which was in the running for a prize: Baa, baa, Soviet, have you any oil?

Yes sir, yes sir, lots in the soil. Some to help the Chinaman And some to fight the Finn, But none for the little boy Who cries in Berlin.

" Sing a song of sixpence " came next in order of popu- larity among the models, and inspired good entries from Willy Tadpole and Miss Georgina Pennant : Sing a song o' sixpenc- Four-and-twenty bank-notes A pocketful of gold, All together rolled. Sing a song of pfennigs, Four and twenty acorns A scrape of margarine— Float in a tureen.

When the notes were counted When the lid was lifted

They all began to sing, Das yolk began to swear— Now we'll buy certificates, Acorns and chestnuts And God save the King! Were the only Christmas fare. Willy Tadpole sent in as well the two agreeable rhymes which follow— Sing Cock-a-hoop, Baby, Sa. John Simon

Come eat up your sop, Met a shy man For when the war's over Hard by Hampstead Ponds. The rations will stop, Said John Simon When Daddy comes home To the shy man,

We'll have butter ad lib. Won't you buy my Bonds? Sing Cock-a-hoop, Baby, Said the shy man

And tuck in your bib. To John Simon, Do you think I've sacks? All my ready Has already

Gone in Income-tax!

A more dramatic " Simple Simon " came from Mr. W. E. Green, but it is unfortunately hardly suitable for nursery recitation-

Swift-shot Simon met a pieman In the down-town section. Said Swift-shot Simon to the pieman, " Why ain't you bought ' protec- tion '? "

Said the pieman unto Simon, " If you think you an make it, Then reach your gat, you lousy rat, I'm tough, and I can take it!" Now this here he-man was a G-man, Just got up like a pieman. He'd got Swift-shot on the spot. That was " lights out " for Simon.

Mr. Allan M. Laing submitted two very neat rhymes, the second of which would no doubt commend itself to the nurseries of the Hitlerjugend- ilit-a-mine, hit-a-mine, Neutral man: too Sink with your shipping To further our plan: Dodge 'em and dodge 'em Or don't go to sea, And that will suit Goebbels And Goering and Me.

Of the remaining good entries which do not win a prize there is space only for the three printed below out of many that one would like to quote—

Look about walkers Johnny Macrae has. been (*fling In the black-out! out, When there's a moon Johnny Macrae will have the When the moon's gone Down go the walkers You may just get about:

You're bound for a fall—

Torches and all.

E. W. FORDHAM. Liveribilioshiveriskin Turtle soup and salmon and Trifle and Port: but by-and- gout: pie by Johnny Macrae will be dining in. HERBERT A. POWELL.

SHOPPING SONG.

"Baker, baker, what shall I buy? Can I, for a penny, buy one mince pie?" "No, no, no," said the baker, looking sly, " I want tuppence for one mince pie."

" Grocer, grocer, what have you got? For I have a penny and I want a lot." " Oh, oh, oh," said the grocer, " what a worry! You'll only get a nutmeg or pennyworth of curry."

" Milkman, milkman, make your bottles clink, For I've got a penny and I want a long drink." "Dear, dear, dear," said the milkman, very gruff, "Only got a penny? Well, a penny's not enough!"

"Busman, busman, I've not come very far, Can you take me home again in your big car?" " Yes, sir, certainly, we're running to and fro, So hold tight, penny, please, and back we go!"

M. R. DunnErr.

There were also good entries, for which there is no space, from Mr. J. W. Meares, Miss Beatrice Greaves, Mr. Gordon Simpson, Miss C. M. Bowen and Miss Mildred Johnstone.

The first prize goes to Mr. Herbert A. Powell for a charming original rhyme which seems to possess every quality that a nursery rhyme should have, and the second to Mr. Douglas Hawson for a pleasant topical variant of a traditional model.

First Prize.

A NURSERY RHYME OF MODERN TRAFFIC.

Topsy-turvy, Tiddlywink, Trains will collision, and ships will sink ; Streets will be strewn with papas and mammas Upside down in their motor-cars ; But Baby will fly Up to the sky • Into the clouds and under the stars ; Under the stars and over the town Right way up and wrong way down, Down to the ground Safe and sound, There and back too quick to think Topsy-turvy, Tiddlywink. HERBERT A. POWELL.

Second Prize.

"Two coupons one chop! " Says the bell of the shop. " I can still see a crack!" Says the bell at the back.

"Can't see whom I strike! " "First warning's gone! " Says the bell of the bike. Says the bell of the 'phone.

" Too much light on first " There's a hole in our floor!" garden! " Says the bell of front door. Says the handbell of warden. Adolf Sprat Found Poles too fat ; Friend Joe thought Finns thin: So they agreed Upon one deed And did both nations in. DOUGLAS HAWSON.