Tlionht for Food
Excursion into Americana
By RAYMOND POSTGATE can remember is that in which he selected for Praise as the highlight of American food- enterprise what I had already picked on as the worst—a thing called 'Frozen TV Dinner.' This Was a wrapped-up plastic plate with three divisions, containing respectively potatoes, a raush of vegetables, and slices of cooked meat M gravy (or other combinations), all ice-hard and dead. What you had to do was to shoot this into the oven, pull it out again and hand it to the TV addict, who could fork it into his mouth Without his eyes ever leaving the set, or his thoughts being distracted by any flavour.
This 'was the acme, the crown, the apogee of modern cooking. Depressed, perhaps. unjustly, by this I concentrated more npon the lyrical descriptions on the outsides of the innumerable tins and packets than upon the flavour (if any) of their contents. These were of great interest. Some .seemed self-contradictory : 'TENDER- MOIST DRIED FRUIT GIFT BOXES,' for ex- ample. Some were hopeful : 'EDUCATOR COCKTAIL BISCUITS' suggested an urge to- wards good taste. Some I found unattractive : RORSEY' GRAPEFRUIT was not felicitous. Some caused a disturbed reaction: I once read an amusing American story about a prostitute called The Girl with the Swansdown Seat, and I moved quickly away from the display called SWANSDOWN DREAM WHIP and will never know what it was. Most significant were the terms used to denote size; for if you do not breed, or grow, for flavour then you must do so for appearance or size. I copied the descriptions on the tins of olives. There were 'medium' and 'large'; very good. Next came 'Jumbo' olives; well, one could accept that. 'Giant,' however, seemed a needless sequel; however, it was not enough, for the next size were 'Colossal.' One step farther, and there were the tins of 'Extra- Colossal Olives'; even these were surpassed by the 'Super-Extra-Colossal Olives.' I thought I had reached the end there, but no; round the corner were tins of 'Supreme Extra Colossal' olives.
Wine labels don't lend themselves to this non- sense; you cannot have an 'extra-colossal bottle' because the contents are controlled by law. lam old enough to remember when Californians and Australians were rivals in offering cheap non-European wines for our tables. (South Katharine VVhitehorn is on holiday African wines were undrinkable till the KWV Cartel took them over in 19l7) The Californian wines most frequently had as their label the picture of a famous giant sequoia or redwood tree, which was so big that a road was tunnelled through its trunk; they were called Big Tree wines. After Prohibition, the inappropriate label was transferred to Australian wines; but up till 1919 the Californian wines were better. Ford Madox Ford, who always ordered young men about, instructed me about 1918 to drink Californian hock until I had a decent income, if ever.
.These wines have not yet returned, but there are two I have made a note of. Almaden's Pinot Chardonnay is perfumed and can be spoken of in the same sentence as a sound Pouilly. Masson's Pinot noir, if 'kept twelve months longer, will turn into a good full red wine with 'You are suc,h an adventurous eater.' an individual taste. There will have to be changes in the dollar exchange rate,, however, before they can take the place of the old Big Tree wines.
This excursion into Americana has prevented me from visiting any useful restaurants on the Spectator's behalf; and now it will be a little time before I can do so, for I am off to Rhodes in search of rest and archreology, not food and wine. Chaizete.
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