2 JULY 1977, Page 31

No. 966: The winners

Charles Seaton reports: Competitors were asked to compose verses beginning with the last line of any well known poem and ending with its first line, the new poem being pre- ferably on a quite different subject.

One secret, it would seem, of producing a lively and entertaining entry — and of getting well away from the original subject — was to give an unexpected context to the quoted lines, either used straight, as were Word- sworth's by Charles Lyall: Long after it was heard no more Around the moonlit cricket ground

I fancied I could hear the sound

Of someone calling out the score.

'328 for 3 declared.

Gwen Nobbs 251 not out.

They're coming in.' My! what a shout. The mighty Gwen is being chaired.

I see her crouching in the slips, Her stalwart figure forward bent. God in his goodness had her sent Heroic knees and massive hips.

One day perhaps great Gwen may yield Her generous charms of thigh and bust. Until that hour this long stop must Behold her, single in the field.

or with a slight — bui permissible — twist, such as Paul Griffin in `To a Sweet' gave to Lovelace's: Loved I not Honour More

I would consume you, apple tart;

You move me to the core, But she hangs ripely in my heart ...

or even, occasionally (and still permissibly), by variations in the punctuation.

Flippancy and gallantry keep creeping in to most of the more successful verses, though praise must go to some more serious efforts, especially to that of P. K. Brown. Jim Hollatid's `SADIcvt.: a lament for the punitive costs of municipal emptying of cesspits, and the rural dwellers' enforced return to nature' (beginning 'Tomorrow to fresh woods and pastures new ...') was, alas, disqualified for not containing its quota of fourteen original lines.

Four pounds to Charles Lyall and also to the others printed (whose sources are, respectively, Kipling's 'Smuggler's Song,' Sedley's 'To Chloris' and Yeats's 'The Cir- cus Animals' Desertion'). Commendations to Mary Holtby and Jedediah Barrow.

Watch the wall, my darling, while the Gentlemen go by!

Gentlemen prefer it if you act a little shy.

Try and force a modest blush to your immodest cheek: Gentlemen pay better if they think you're young and meek.

Don't accost them boldly, woo them gently with your speech; Speak not loud for all to hear, but cooingly to each.

Ask them if they're lonely, if they'd like some company; Tell them you're available, but never that you're free.

Once, you've claimed a Gentleman, make sure you listen well: You'll hear about his nagging wife, and how she gives him hell. He'll wallow in his misery, involve you in his shame — Listen well but don't believe him: ev'ry Gentleman's,the same.

Most of all ensure he pays before his hour of lust.

He will pepper you with promises, but take , them not on trust: Or you may learn your Gentleman is practised in deceit If you wake at midnight, and hear a horse's

feet. (J.R.S. Mash)

To make a beauty, she

Sat naked by her looking-glass, While 1, rapt as could be,

Peered through the key-hole set M brass. With powder and with paint Embellished she her natural charms, What time, with longing faint, I marked the down beneath her arms. The braiding of her hair Made muscles move upon her back. Her breasts were passing fair, But too far from my eyes, Mack!

Cfelt a sudden pain, As something sharp my buttocks bit. Her husband! back again.

Ah Chloris! that I now could sit!

(C.H.W. Roll) In the foul rag-and-bone shop of the heart The poet has to find the raw material With which he can begin to ply his art, Lyric, satiric, comic or aetherial.

Without a theme, there's no way he can start To pound the Olivetti or Imperial. So it can come as quite a nasty shock To find the place completely out of stock.

Thus I, when I sat down to have a try

Al Competition No. 966, Found that the shelves were bare, the kitty shy, And I was in a most unpleasant fix,

Like those poor fellows in the days gone by Who lacked the straw with which to make

the bricks: For, batter as I would my flagging brain, I sought a theme and sought for it in vain.

(Robert Baird)