1 MAY 1992, Page 17

Unlettered

Mr Ivor Barry received this letter from Gary L. Englund, OD and Douglas L. Major, OD of Vision Care Center in California.

Dear Ivor, To allow me to take the best care of your eyes that I know of, I thought it would have been a good idea to have you come in last 04/09/1991. It was probably inconvenient for you to come in then. Your eye conditions that I would like to check again are explained on a separate page. We are currently updating our records and would appre- ciate it if you could take the time to come and see us this month.

In the meantime, I've got a great story for you - Ivor's GREAT ADVENTURE

Ivor's greatest expectation was ready to became a reality. For fourteen years he had been planning a trip to WALLY WORLD, his life's dream. Ivor diligent- ly packed the car, filled it with gas and eagerly disembarked on his long jour- ney. Ivor marveled at the sights as he crossed the desert. Giant rock forma- tions and colorful flowers filled the landscape. Then suddenly, the air condi- tioner broke down. Concerned about the 110 degree heat, Ivor planned on stopping at the very next service station. As Ivor pulled into the next service sta- tion the car was barely running. The mechanic looked at the car for 45 min- utes and told Ivor "there are several things wrong with your car that will take 3-4 days to fix and it still will never be the same. Haven't you had your engine maintained at regular intervals? If you had, this would never have happened." Ivor, of course, never had the car rou- tinely maintained.

Ivor's heart sank as he realized that his life-long dream would no longer be a reality. If only he had made the time to put a little preventative care into his car.

Now about your eyes DON'T FORGET: WE ARE AVAILABLE TO OUR PATIENTS 24 HOURS A DAY. IF AN EMERGEN- CY ARISES, PLEASE CALL THE OFFICE AND OUR ANSWERING SERVICE WILL GET IN TOUCH WITH DR. ENGLUND OR DR. MAJOR TO ASSIST YOU.

Sincerely Douglas L. Major O.D.

If you have an example of a crass, illiter- ate, ignorant, irrelevant or embarrassing letter or notice from a company or public body, send a copy to Unlettered, The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London, WC]. flO for each one printed.