The Merciless Muse

On the model of Harty Graham's Ruthless Rhyme named after, and evocative of, the play An English- man's Home, competitors were invited to compose a Ruthless Rhyme similarly linked to any other well-knownVramatic play or film.

A RUTHLESS RHYME, even if an example is pro- vided, is not as easy to compose as it looks. If analysed, it should generally contain three elements. First, calamity, either general or per- sonal: death, destruction, deluge, damnation— no holds barred. Second, some minor, slightly an- noying but essentially trivial aspect of the prin- cipal drama. Third, the writer's excessive pre- occupation with the trivial at the expense, of the important. Some attempts were rather wide of the mark, though many hit the target with fair accuracy.

As subjects, plays were generally more popular than films. There was a substantial Shakespearian bloc, especially for Titus Andronicus; other plays ruthlessly dealt with included St. Joan, Look Back in Anger and The Barretts of Wimpole Street. It was, I am afraid, necessary in some cases to stretch the stipulation 'well-known' to its limits, and there were some plays, notably A Midsum- mer Night's Dream and Arsenic and Old Lace, which I have always thought of as comedies.

I should like to mention fourteen-year-old Donald F. Brown's lament by Calpurnia that she couldn't say 'I told you so' to Cesar, W. G. Daish's hearty laughter which caused him to miss the second half of The Barretts, R. B. Browning's discovery, while watching Gaslight, that the meter needed a shilling, and the connection between Desdemona's handkerchief and the running nose of Q. Leonard Hovis, while there were many other praiseworthy tries.

The runners-up, for whose entries I hope space will be available, are Sylvia, Marion Lea, David Butler, Elsie Paterson, G. J. Blundell and Gloria Prince. I suggest prizes of twenty-five shillings each for Douglas Hawson, Joyce Johnson and P. W. R. Foot, and seventeen shillings each for R. A. McKenzie, Allan M. Laing and Vera Telfer.

PRIZES (DOUGLAS HAWSON) R.U.R.

The Robots marched to London Town, They threw the Lord Mayor in therThames;

They burned Westminster Abbey down And stole the Royal Crown and'Gems; And then, My God! the utter bounders,

They went to Lord's and played at . . . rounders!

(JOYCE JOHNSON)

After seeing the Richard HI film

Of all the deeds that chilled my spine, I thought the worst one was the way They bundled Clarence in the wine : It must have ruined the bouquet.

(e. W. R. FOOT) 'A pound of flesh,' this Shylock said, 'To be cut off the merchant's breast!' He flashed the knife above his head, Antonio undid his vest :

'Twas then I thought with fearful glee Of that sliced ham we'd had for tea.

(R. A. MCKENZIE)

Journey's End (R. C. Sherriff) 'Blown to atoms?' queried Trotter, `Poor old Osborne! And the next? Hibbert? And his wizard lot o' Dirty postcards? I am vexed!'

(ALLAN M. LAINO)

Graham Greene's The Power and the Glory At last the anguished priest was dead

Instead of just dead drunk; And there were bullets in his head And bullets in his trunk.

Red blood splashed on a wall of blue: The dead man lay white-faced—

A colour blend of alien hue In rather doubtful taste !

(VERA TELFER)

The Strange World of Planet X Primeval plants, primordial cats Are dealing hideous death and sorrow; I have a list of empty flats And will move into one tomorrow.

COMMENDED (sYLvtA) The Curse of Frankenstein Last night when I went out to dine They put me next to Frankenstein. He fiddled with his diamond stud And said he'd like a glass of blood. I thought his tone was rather rude, Men have the oddest tastes in food.

(MARION LEA)

The warning heard, our fighters reach the sky; (What is it I must buy?)

In dizzy heights they tackle Britain's foe.

(I'll think in half a mo'.) The legless leader lifts his boys to fame 'Midst slinging bullets and the spitting flame.

They wheel and dive—another Me. dies! (Of course, I've got it! 'ZED' for squirting flies!)

(DAVID BUTLER) Jimmy Porter looks forward in apprehension

I was in the old bed-sitter When they started World War Three Making speeches long and bitter On the way things ought to be.

But it nearly drove me barmy As I plotted and I planned : How to get out of the Army Without working on the land?

(ELSIE PATERSON)

Macbeth The Castle's cold was cruel, My husband's death was hurried, We had run out of fuel, So I was rather worried.

However I was fortunate

For Birnam Wood had reached our gate.

(G. J. BLUNDELL)

A Doll's House

When I came home from work last night My wife, about to take her flight, Said, 'I am leaving you, you sinner!' It very nearly spoilt my dinner. But when she cried, 'Farewell, you boor!' And in departing slammed the door,

I sang as blithely as a linnet—

Her mother had her finger in it!

(GLORIA PRINCE)

• Sophocles (the CEdipus plays) Edipus, you do look funny! Blind and groping-what a sight! Well, no point in wasting money, So we'll just put out the light.