POLITICAL COMMENTARY

Politics is about platitudes

AUBERON WAUGH

'We want both reforms that are more re- volutionary in their implications for the future than any Socialist dreams of, and defences for achievements of the past deeper than any Tory dares to demand. We do not apologise for these paradoxes. We agree with Mr Grimond that "Politics is about power" and we recognise that if Mao's dictum that "All power grows out of the barrel of a gun" is to be denied man must educate himself as well as training himself in skills.'

These stirring lines are taken from the last chapter or grand finale of Liberals Look A head, the report of the Liberal Com- mission which is published this week. For some reason, all three parties have just pro- duced major documents; and now the Liberals join in: 'Most of mankind lives under regimes which are shockingly illi- beral', we learn to our dismay. 'Tyranny is rampant', and 'the outlook is far from promising'.

The first temptation, of course, is to treat this Liberal document with the scant respect due to the other two. But there are several reasons why the Liberal document deserves better. In the first place, the platitudes of

Liberalism are sweeter, gentler creatures than the nasty noises of the Labour party's Into the Seventies or the sad, aching boredom of Sir Alec's Place in the World.

In the second place, whereas both the Con- servative and Labour parties have a certain amount of gun-barrel to wave around, the

Liberals have only their beautiful pensies, and so must be judged by them rather than

by performance. Finally, the document is a mine of interesting information, used to em- bellish or justify some point of Liberal philosophy.

For instance, it is intriguing enough to learn that Venice is being threatened by the melting of the polar ice-cap, but who would have thought that you could base both foreign and domestic policy on this piece of information? 'last, and perhaps most important of all, the British govern- ment should give a lead in promoting the wellbeing of the environment on a world scale. When Venice is threatened by the melting of the Polar Cap which as some believe is accelerated by industrial processes . . . what relevance have national frontiers except as hindrances to action?'

Plainly there was some disagreement within the committee on the question whether industrial processes were re- sponsible for this melting or not, and so they decided on this compromise. My vote

would certainly have gone with those who maintained that industrial processes were responsible. So we must put a stop to in- dustrial processes; at least that's decided. But, surely there is some more important use to which we can put this exclusive in- sight into the Polar Ice Cap Menace? Yes, indeed: 'We must not delay national efforts while seeking international agree- ments, but it may be hoped that in meeting a common menace which afflicts the rich and the poor, the Communist and the Capitalist, the coloured and the pale, man will discover the virtues and possibilities of peaceful co-operation rather than of hostile competition'.

All this, of course, comes in the chapter headed 'Threats to the Environment'. The chapter on foreign affairs, headed 'Nationalism and Internationalism', may be the work of other hands, because it does not mention either the dangers or the op- portunities of the Polar Ice Cap Menace, except possibly in one rather cryptic sen- tence: 'Slowly, step by step, and only after many setbacks, the concept of a world authority can be established. Already in Antarctica there has been a successful ex- periment in the international development of territory free from national rivalries'.

Now perhaps this is another example of the Liberals' charactersistic affliction whereby the wish becomes father to the thought.

Having suggested in 'Threats to the en- vironment' that the polar ice cap should be prevented from melting, the Foreign Affairs Committee had decided that a small team of enthusiastic volunteer internationalists are now busy applying cold compresses, ther- mos flasks, etc, to the afflicted region. Again, it may be just another of those fascinating pieces of information with which the Liberal Commission likes to keep us all on our toes. More experienced Liberalogists must decide.

All I can say is that outside the context of the English Liberal party, it would begin to look like a sinister plot, whereby these internationalists were actu- ally engaged in melting the Antarctic to threaten Venice and prompt international co-operation. And this, no doubt, is the first of many 'successful experiments' to establish, step by step, the concept of a world authority.

The gloomiest chapter in the report, at any rate so far as your political correspon- dent is concerned, deals with social security.

It is one of the sadder aspects of modern politics that the Liberal party, with all its magnificent traditions and its attempts to appeal to youth and reason, should have gone overboard for the cliches and hyper- boles of welfarist demagoguy. 'The need for more expenditure in absolute terms is almost limitless', we learn, with mounting gloom.

For the rest, there is to be a national minimum wage when Thorpe comes to power. This will save large sums of money which would otherwise be spent on sup- plementary benefit (the current euphemism for national assistance or poor relief) and Mr Thorpe will then be able to spend this money on higher family allowances and better trained social workers. Dead crafty, that, you must admit. Next thing will be to make employers give family allowances

and train their own social workers, spend. ing the money on a Jeremy Memorial in Hyde Park built of pink marble with all the trimmings. Oh, and I forgot that retire- ment pensions will be raised to half the national average wage. Thank you, thank you. Thank you very much Mr Thorpe. thank you Mr Simon Banks, thank y ou Lord Beaumont of Whitley, thank you R. T. Clarke, W. O. Crerie, Alderman

David Evans, H. I. Fjortoft....

Of course, there is the little matter of paying for it all. This is dealt with in three lines, tucked away inside the selectisity de- bate: 'In the long run the answer to the question "how are we going to finance the rising government expenditure on the social services?" is that we rely primarily on economic growth. What is crucial is that the growth should come first.' I wish they had given this catch-line a little more prom- inence. It means that the civilised man, equally indifferent to the presence or absence of growth, has nothing to fear from all these threats of higher pensions, better trained social workers etc, and that the Liberals are all right after all.

The secret of how this growth is to be achieved is revealed in two chapters, one called 'Industrial Harmony and Economic Growth', the other called 'Planning and Forecasting in a Free Society'. Both are masterpieces. 'Liberals owe no dogmatic allegiance to anything so ill-defined as 'the capitilist (sic) system', we are told, as an introduction to the most delicious sort of ideological ratatouille. First, a good morallers: 'The desire to make money is not the only motive in business life.' Of course not. There are always the luncheons, free trips abroad etc. Or perhaps they are thinking of other more obscure motives, like preserving the Polar Ice Cap.

So this is the plan: clobber the unions good and proper by the promotion of plant bargaining and individual con- tracts, then threaten them with the Mono- polies Commission. Restore industrial har- mony by suggesting higher wages for trade union officials, equal pay for women, a guaranteed minimum wage and giving workers the same rights as share- holders. Abolish tariffs and protection and low productivity. Abolish 'differentiated lavatories and canteens. These help to keep the industrial community divided and accord ill with an open, democratic society.'

Economic planning, you see, should be kept to a minimum. Not so social plan- ning. This involves the redistribution of the population and persuading local councils to build a percentage of houses suitable for the old. Suddenly, at this stage, it must have occurred to the committee that they had left out a few platitudes, with the alarming result that after housing the aged we have this: 'But this is only one impor- tant aspect of social planning. There are many others, including the rate of violent crime, illegitimacy and problems arising from population mobility'. One likes to think of all those highly-trained social workers planning the regional incidence of murder, rape, arson and illegitimacy. What with that and the Polar Ice Cap and the hitherto undiscovered grievance of differ- entiated lavatories, the other two parties had better watch out. No doubt, Labour's next document will promise to undifferenti- ate lavatories. and Sir Alec will soon start threatening military bases on the Polar Ice Cap.