Television
News addicts
Edward Heathcoat Amory
In this age of compassion, there is a sup- port system for nearly every addiction, from titled kleptomaniacs caught with an Hermes scarf in their handbag outside Har- rods, to the movie star Michael Douglas, who is apparently unable to stop sleeping with strange women. A few sad compul- sions, however, remain unrecognised. One such unsung obsession is the desire to surf the crest of each breaking news story; the need to know, before you sleep, whether the revelation of his wife's affair with a kick boxer will force the resignation of the Thai prime minister.
Some sufferers are able to restrict them- selves to print journalism, although in extreme cases this can mean visiting Char- ing Cross station late at night on a furtive mission to obtain the first editions of the next day's paper. Others prefer to take their daily doses aurally, beginning with the Today programme and ending with The World Tonight. A few choose Teletext or the Internet. For the true information junkie, however, nothing can beat televi- sion. Day and night, a constant stream of bulletins, updates and flashes, complete with satellite pictures and state-of-the-art graphics, is fed into the nation's front rooms.
For normal people, except at times of national crisis, all this airtime amounts to little more than audio-visual wallpaper at mealtimes or a few moments of mild intel- lectual stimulation between game shows. For the addict, however, it is a free bar of forbidden delights, from which they must choose their preferred tipple. The Nine O'Clock News on BBC 1 is the dry sherry of the airwaves, diligently covering the boring but important stories, exhuming hibernat- ing opposition spokesmen to comment on each new Labour initiative, and constantly in fear of a stinging rebuke from Peter Mandelson for failing to cover Tony's latest triumph. Yet it is also almost the only channel that makes a nod in the direction of investigative reporting, treating its view- ers, on one night last week, to a semi-offi- cial leak on the future of the armed services, and a peak inside Romania's new `reformed' Securitate.
News at Ten on ITV is the imported bot- tled lager of the information delivery world. Reporters are careful to adopt seri- ous attire for the more frivolous subjects; reporting from New York on Viagra, Tom Bradby sported a very sensible blue tie with spots on it. Such sartorial sharpness cannot disguise, however, the tabloid heart of this ITN production. The 'and finally' section — last orders for the news addict — gives the programme away. One night last week it devoted five minutes to a news-free inter- view with crippled Superman Christopher Reeve. Only Trevor MacDonald, ostenta- tiously tapping on his laptop during the credits — he writes his own scripts —lends gravitas.
Those in search of a low-alcohol alterna- tive can tune into the award-winning Chan- nel 5 News. The presenter wanders around the studio, leaning against his desk rather than sitting behind it. In the pink-tinted background, various extras try to look busy, one vigorously chewing gum. Later in the programme, these fearless journalists test- ed a baby alarm. Then it was time for Facts on Five, for those of us who need their news, like their food, cut into bite-sized pieces.
Newsnight is the connoisseurs' choice. Jeremy Paxman, University Challenge hero, has a keyboard and mouse on the desk in front of him, emphasising the serious nature of his endeavour. There have been recent claims that the programme's budget has been cut, but it still breaks news, par- ticularly overseas. Tuning in last week, a story on Northern Ireland was illustrated with poetry, almost certainly the only news provider with such confidence in the cultur- al commitment of its viewers. Channel 4 News, earlier in the evening, provides a similar service.
Hardened addicts feeding their craving for the hard stuff will move on to Sky TV. Rupert Murdoch's outfit have come a long way from the early days, but they still have — last week — interviews with football `widows'. The next step is down to the world of cider drinking on park benches with CNN. All the male presenters have moustaches, and their female counterparts are feisty with bright scarves. Perhaps because of the American picture quality, it reminds me of depressing executive hotel rooms around the world. From CNN, it is only a short hop to swigging meths under the arches with L!ve TV and Kelvin MacKenzie's News Bunny, a floppy animal who helps reduce 'the news' to the consis- tency of baby food for those with very weak constitutions. If the ITV companies get their way, and are allowed to shift News at Ten to 11 p.m., making way for full-length feature films, the mass of social news consumers won't miss it. Addicts will be driven underground, to CNN or Sky. The dumbing down of the airwaves will have been taken a step fur- ther, but unquestionably in response to consumer demand. As for Trevor MacDon- ald, I will vote for him as mayor of London.
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