SPECTATOR'S NOTEBOOK

The United States has only itself to blame for suffering the appearance of defeat at the United Nations over the admission of China to its due and proper seat in the Security Council. Its diplomats should have learned how to count. The only good reason for continuing to exclude China has never been put forward; it is to ensure the continuing flippancy of the United Nations, its lack of weight in world affairs. This, however, can nowadays be taken for granted anyway.

Good may come in various ways. China Might well take its .admission as a sign of general acceptance of its major world status, and start behaving appropriately.

Another possible advantage could be a oOoling-off in the United States' peculiarly high regard for the United Nations.

The Heathkins

We will see much, during the coming Year, of this strange new political animal, the Heathkins. It is a kind of Siamese twin, but it was not born that way, it just grew together until now it is part-joined at the head, in the heart, and in its limbs. It has to walk together, and it shares the same life-blood and blood-stream. Although undoubtedly a political and natural freak, the Heathkins strikes quite a large number of members of Parliament as a fine creature, fit to be followed through the Jungles that lie ahead. It is sad, however, to relate that the public remains unimpressed by the beauty and strength and natural dignity of the freak, and has singularly little desire to follow it at all. Siamese twins have a poor survival record. One Wonders how long the Heathkins will last. Although many MPs claim actually to have seen the Heathkins, and although Most of the country by now will have heard its noises — its mating call, its triumphant bellowing each time it catches a whiff of continental air, its whining and Whimpering whenever it has to turn around and face the public — and know of its characteristics — a show of snooty defiance, not unlike The Stag at Bay, Whenever it smells the populace at its feet, hounding it, its uncanny instinct to see things that no other beast can see, and the Peculiar light that shines out of its eyes so far as I know, neither photograph nor drawing of the beast exists.

Magnum of champagne

Sceptics will argue that the Heathkins is a figment of Parliamentary imagination, that such a beast is purely mythic, an invention to explain away the otherwise inexplicable behaviour of members of Parliament. They will say that the Heathkins is an impossibility, an aberration, an absurdity, the invention of the devil, against all natural order, a contradiction in terms. Although myself of a sceptical turn of mind, I am becoming convinced that the Heathkins exists; but I would dearly like to know what exactly the beast looks like, and how it feeds, for instance.

I will glady present a magnum of champagne to anyone who produces a fine likeness of the Heathkins, at bay, or foddering, or mating, or otherwise about its natural life in its natural habitat.

Lord Mayors

The present Lord Mayor of London, Sir Peter Studd, has been in the United States at the inauguration of London Bridge above the diverted river Colorado in Arizona. A very suitable trip for a Lord Mayor, or similar figure of pomp and fun, to take. It was possibly undignified for Sir Peter to use the same trip to make an appeal to American generosity for help in saving St Paul's Cathedral: I'd have thought we could at least save that on our own.

Such indignities are not likely to occur next year. The Lord Mayor-elect is one Sir Edward Howard, who has hired a public relations firm to invite people like me to a reception at the Mansion House in a couple of weeks' time. This public relations firm also tells me that "Sir Edward, who is not only a leading stockbroker but is also Chairman of numerous public corn panies, passionately believes that the City's future lies in Europe. Reports of his speeches made since his election have already appeared in the press." Bully for him. "Whatever the outcome of the Parliamentary Debate on Britain's membership of the European Economic Community, Sir Edward intends to take every opportunity during his year in office to stress the importance of the City as a major financial centre."

The City has always looked to me to be the chief beneficiary of the Heathkins policy. Sir Edward will doubtless be of great assistance to the Heathkins beast next year. I also hope he will not flinch from touring the countries of the Six, if necessary, to ask for money to save St Paul's.

Labour's labour

The Parliamentary Labour Party is not showing any sign of extricating itself from its little local difficulty of electing a deputy Leader. To the majority of the PLP the present deputy Leader, Roy Jenkins, is unthinkable on grounds of party disloyalty. Also, the unions and the constituencies cannot stand him; and he is without popular following. However, such is the way of things, it is not absolutely impossible for him to be re-elected. If Harold Wilson fell under the bus then, whoever happened to be deputy Leader notwithstanding, he would be succeeded by Jim Callaghan (provided, as the joke goes, Jim wasn't driving the bus). This being so, Jim isn't going to stand for deputy leadership — why get his hands dirtied and his nose bloodied for nothing? Neither Denis Healey nor Tony Crosland are exactly liked among the rank and file backbench Labour MPs. The Jenkinsites are far too clever to split their own votes. This leaves Michael Foot, the flag-carrier of the Left, Tony Wedgwood-Benn, and — so it is currently said — Willie Ross, the former Secretary of State for Scotland.

Ross has a certain air of indestructible incorruptibility about him and he is unlikely ever to lead the party. He has the makings of a stop-gap or interim deputy Leader, and his candidature will appeal to those who prefer to avoid making up their minds. Michael Foot commands the loyalty of the left and the distrust of the right. In a straight fight with Jenkins he might well find it more difficult to win than either Wedgwood Benn or Willie Ross. But on the first ballot he could command more votes than either and could thus, according to PLP rules, dispute the deputy leadership with Jenkins, provided these two polled better than Wedgwood Benn or Willie Ross. It is not unthinkable in such a situation that Jenkins might emerge as the deputy Leader again.

The solution involves some degree of dealing: either Wedgwood Benn and Michael Foot stand down in favour of Willie Ross, or Benn and Foot agree between themselves that only one of them will stand. The logic of the situation is that Michael Foot should make the sacrifice. He has shown scant interest in office; and his moral stature would not in any way be lessened by the gesture. This would have the likely effect of ensuring the election of Wedgwood Benn, faute de miewc.