31 JANUARY 1998, Page 52

High life

Moving the goalposts

Taki

OGstaad n Sunday night, when things looked extremely bleak for the occupant of the Oral Office, I offered 5-1 odds that he would keep his job. I was dining at Aleko Goulandris's chalet. There were no takers. Which goes to show that a) Greek shipowners are wise; b) the American peo- ple are very naive; and c) the traditional codes that once regulated social conduct are extinct.

In fact, as the great cover-up continues, I am reminded of a variation of Norma Desmond's great line in Sunset Boulevard, 'It is the presidency that got small.'

Blow-jobs, hand-jobs, unpaid trainees with big hair and national security clear- ance, the Lincoln bedroom for rent, illegal donations in the millions, can it get worse? The answer has to be a definite yes, but not right now. It will all come out one day, when the Draft Dodger's Come-a-lot will be a distant nightmare. The best line by far was John O'Sullivan's in the Sunday Tele- graph: The man who looked for a loophole in the Ten Commandments.' (Oral sex does not constitute adultery nor sexual intercourse.) Why am I so convinced that nothing will come of all this? Easy. Nothing will crack because too many people will end up doing hard time for a very long time if it does. The Clinton people are all corrupt and all up to their ears in it. They will tough it out by lying and by assassinating the characters of those who wish to end the sleaze. Clin- ton apologists in the media will go along with them. Already, reputed tough-on- Clinton pundit William Safire is busy extri- cating splinters from his fence-sitting bottom. sincerely hope the allegations are false ... blah, blah, blah.'

Par for the course. After all, in these the times of Clinton, we now condemn the fuzz almost as much as the criminal. Mind you, the Republicans are just as bad. Twenty- four years ago, Richard Nixon was booed as he gave his last State of the Union speech, Democrat Congressmen bragged about it afterwards. I write this before the sleazebag's address. He will be cheered to the rafters by the weasels posing as Repub- licans. The weasels have all been Newtered, as in Gingrich. He spoke out like a man against Clinton's big govern- ment, and the blow-dried ones demonised him quicker than you can say Hitler. He now reminds me of the man who caught his wife in flagrante and offered his rival a cup of tea.

Two months into the presidency of the American version of Idi Amin, an Ameri- can friend of mine, Howard Cushing, pre- dicted that Clinton would never be re-elected even if he managed to finish his first term. Cushing was thinking like an honest man. This is why he was so wrong. The Draft Dodger had moved the goal- posts long before he captured the White House. The lies, the cover-ups, possibly even murders, are now part of what the greatest liar since Baron Miinchhausen called 'the most ethical administration ever'.

Here is my fearless prediction. The great seducer of comically overripe senoritas will cling on to a neutered office with Air Force One and the rest of the trappings of power making his castration easier to bear. (The sleazeball's wife will now make her pres- ence felt; how she loves it when the joint chiefs of staff stand at attention in front of a man who has never been to boot camp.) Most Republicans will go along with the cover-up because a neutered Clinton is bet- ter than Al Gore, a man who thinks cun- nilingus is an Irish airline. It will be politics as usual in the Home of the Freebie and the Land of the Depraved. The only good thing is that the poor little Greek boy will no longer give money to the Republican Party. Cowardice should never be reward- ed. So there.