High life
Use a long spoon
Taki
As everyone who reads The Spectator knows, Alexandra Artley is no fan of Mrs Thatcher, which is her right, I suppose, just as it is the right of, say, Princess Diana to prefer listening to Duran Duran rather than Mozart. What is not right, however, is the guilt by association with which Miss Artley saddled the sainted Prime Minister in last week's Diary.
For any of you who missed it, Miss Artley correctly lamented the fact that single mothers are having their sup- plementary benefits reduced, but somehow got carried away enough to connect the reduction with the fact that Mrs Thatcher has dined with Gerald Ronson. In pro boxing, a dirty sport, her low blow would warrant a referee's warning, but in the martial arts, a dignified and honourable pursuit, she would be disqualified for lousy sportsmanship.
What made it worse was her opening sentence: 'On Sunday we arrived at the Connaught for dinner with Si and Victoria Newhouse.' Now I can think of few nicer places to dine at than the Connaught, but I can certainly think of a hell of a lot of
'I'm a merchant bonker.' people I'd rather dine with than Si New- house.
Again, for any of you who may have missed the latest issues of Forbes and Fortune magazines, Si Newhouse is the third richest American, a multi-billionaire, and the closest thing I have ever seen to an ape that can speak like a human being. I have met him only once, about 20 years ago. I had gone to visit a girl in her flat on Park Avenue, and Newhouse was hanging around. I was quite rude but the girl was ruder. 'How dare you insult that poor man?' she screamed at me. 'He's a bil- lionaire.'
Despite her oxymoronic remark, I got the message and beat it. I heard later on that she blamed me for Newhouse never calling her again. Perhaps I did her a favour, but I doubt it. Even monkeys tend to look beautiful when they're worth five to seven thousand million smackers.
Newhouse is America's greatest pub- lisher. He owns such worthy magazines as Vogue, Tatler, and Vanity Fair. His billions derive from advertisers of expensive toys for us poor little rich people, things like Cartier trinkets, Ferrari cars, and lots and lots of designer clothes. There are those who think that if his company Conde Nast shut down there would be an uprising of the rich. I am among them. It would be like taking the New York Times away from the Israelis.
But I digress. Newhouse is a respected member of the community, although the American Internal Revenue does not seem to think so. When old man Newhouse croaked, the government demanded 900 million dollars from Si and his brother, and claimed that the old man — who was also very respected — had forgotten to pay taxes for most of his natural life. The Newhouses rejected the government's claim, and countered with what they thought they owed. The difference made the amounts lost on Wall Street last week seem like pocket money. I am told by reli- able Noo York sources that the case is still outstanding.
Now as a poor Greek who pays state and federal taxes in America, and punitive ones back in the olive republic, my slagging the multi-billionaire missing link may sound like sour grapes, and I assure you it is. If multi-billionaires don't pay their taxes, then we poorer folk will have to make up the difference. As we are not multi-billionaires, supplementary benefits will be reduced, whether Mrs Thatcher dines with Ronson or not.
Which brings me to the point I wish to make. I don't mind clowns like Livingstone pouring scorn on Mrs T, but a serious lady like Miss Artley should know better. After all, I do not think that Mrs Gavin Stamp is responsible for the lack of free methadone in the South Bronx this autumn, yet while she dined with Newhouse, drug addicts were going through hell for the lack of it.
And speaking of hell, poor Lester Pig- gott got the greatest shaft since the Dutch bought Manhattan island from the Indians. It is a hell of a world we're living in, my friends. Newhouse is out making billions and is venerated by the press, while the man who gave so much pleasure to millions is doing a Taki for three years.
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