Lords and the ring
Why Oscar Humphries wants a signet ring on his finger There are many things I covet. There are in fact, few things I don’t desire except herpes, dental work sans anaesthetic, and pictures by — or indeed of Rolf Harris. I want a loft apartment, an Yves Klein sponge, a signet ring and a pedigree that allows me to wear one. Some of my plummier friends were given signet rings as 18thbirthday presents as well as huge trust funds. Sometimes these rings turned the attractive, raffish, charming adolescents into younger versions of their corduroy-and-redsocked fathers. The longer they wore these rings the more boring and boorish they became, and the better suited they seemed to their chosen profession — real estate. Signet rings, with their rabbits and coronets and shields, are portable status symbols. They say, in that uniquely English way, that the nice man in the pink shirt trying to sell you a one-bedder in Fulham — a borough that is signetring Nirvana — might be somewhat lost right now but one of his ancestors was a good egg and that the then king (another bloody good egg) made him a duke.
Signet rings derive from the seals used to mark letters and documents. Their provenance derives from the heraldic banners of battlefields and desk seals and red wax — something now consigned to ye olde tourist shops and the United States. Cicero probably had an intaglio ring that from a distance might have passed for a signet ring. Fanny Cradock’s on-air husband Johnnie would certainly have worn one, and I’m sure that Paul Burrell has one if not two. Kings always wear them in portraits, as do popes. After the death of a pope, the smashing of his signet ring is a prescribed act clearing the way for the election of a new pope — not a tradition upheld by the grieving families of recently departed estate agents.
The truly grand wear signet rings but so do lots of people purporting to be. And these characters always seem to be the greatest snobs of all. Purists believe that whatever is on the ring should relate to one’s family as opposed to one’s old school, football team, Masonic lodge or preferred supermarket. It is a signet ring, not a propensity for infidelity, that leads some English men not to wear a wedding ring. ‘Never trust a man with two rings’ is what men say when they choose their family over their spouse.
As an Australian, I am not really allowed to wear a signet ring, and the longer I go without wearing one, the harder it is to start. My family tree is a bonsai and it peters out in about 1860. People in my genealogical position have several options. We could have a coat of arms designed. I would use a kangaroo — maybe it could be smoking a cigarette. I would include a pug because I like them and a cat because I am allergic to them. We have no family motto, apart from maybe ‘Fight at Christmas’, which doesn’t sound smart enough but it might in Latin.
I want a signet ring because, like a monogrammed shirt, a fingerprint or the government’s proposed ID card, a signet ring is identifiably personal. Another option is tracing your existing coat of arms. Jewellers can track these down. It’s a bit like walking into an Edinburgh kilt shop. You give them a last name, and they show you the McPherson, Jones or Wong tartan.
The internet is also a good place to start researching ones potential gentility. Dozens of websites will trace family trees, unearth family crests and mottos. These same websites also sell titles, crested mugs and scrolls of weathered parchment describing the origins of the same Smith. There are now vanity websites which describe a person’s daily routine in excruciating detail and always have pictures of cats in fancy dress, or heraldic ashtrays for sale. The internet is undoubtedly the newest tool available to the socially ambitious.
Mark Evans from the Bond Street jeweller Bentley and Skinner (020 7629 0651) says that he sees fathers coming in with their sons to have rings made. ‘They are proud of their families and are happy to pass this history and this pride on to their children. It’s wonderful to see jewellery take on such meaning and importance for people.’ This is the real and intended purpose of the signet ring. It reminds people where they come from and perhaps where they should be going. These are rings that represent family and celebrate success and history and Britishness. They are the visible reminder of a class system that, like hunting, is a little unfair but which has given us good manners and nicely dressed people and pretty houses.
David Montgomery
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