3 MAY 1997, Page 60

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Sheer torture


IN COMPETITION NO. 1980 you were invited to construct from the name of an author and the title of one of their works the name of another author and an imagi- nary title of one of his or her works.

In this anagrammatic challenge, by `another author' I meant another real author — otherwise the torture would have been mild.

Ever since my childhood delight on dis- covering that ORCHESTRA and CARTHORSE contained the same letters, I have been enchanted by anagrams. Among the lesser- known masterpieces, I would cite Lewis Carroll's transformation of WILLIAM EWART GLADSTONE into WILD AGITATOR! MEANS WELL and the anonymous QUEEN VICTORIA'S JUBILEE rendered as I REQUIRE LOVE IN A SUBJECT. And I remember my pleasure, watching Christopher Hampton's The Philanthropist on the stage in Seventies, when the words IMAGINE THE THEATRE AS REAL rebounded as I HATE THEE, STERILE ANAGRAM.

A gentle curse on those of you who pro- duced apparently brilliant anagrams which on checking (a tedious task) turned out to be faulty. How strange that two of you, not neighbours, should have both turned HENRY JAmES: THE EUROPEANS into JANE AuSTEN: MY HERPES HERO.

The prizewinners, printed below, get £8 per anagram, and the bottle of Isle of Jura Single Malt Scotch whisky goes to David Edelsten for sheer shock effect.

John Galsworthy: Indian Summer of a Forsyte = Jane Austen: RN Morals: Why I Fight for Sodomy. (David Edelsten) Sir Arthur Conan Doyle: The Hound of the Baskervilles =

Enid Blyton: Rock-Rave Sound: Is the Last Half-

Hour Here? (Philip Irwin) Salmon Rushdie: The Moor's Last Sigh = Thomas Hughes: In Old Masters' Lairs (Charles Chadwick) Reade: The Cloister and the Hearth = Cartland: Three Heroes had Heide (John Owen) Dirk Bogarde: Closing Ranks = Ben Okri: Dr Carling Asks God (J. Boyle)

Anita Brookner: Hotel du Lac = Edna O'Brien: Talk: Oral Touch

(Andrew Gibbons)

Jane Austen: Mansfield Park = P.D. James: A Nine-Funeral Task

(W.J. Webster)

Saul Bellow: Henderson the Rain King = Susan Hill: Entering Breakdown Hole

(W.J. Webster)

Noel Coward: Private Lives = Peter Levi: 'I Do': Carnal Vows

(Broderick Sampson)

Bertrand Russell: An Outline of Philosophy = Enid Blyton: No Harp Trio for Shapeless Lulu

(John Allain)

Salman Rushdie: The Moor's Last Sigh = Hesiod: A Rough Man's Smallest Shirt

(Robert Meekings)

Albert Camus: The Outsider = Robert Musil: Acute Deaths (Alan Gilchrist) J.D. Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye =. Jean Rhys: Decent Girl Hit Teacher

(Alan Gilchrist)

William Shakespeare: Much Ado About Nothing = Oscar Wilde: I Like Banana Mash: A Thought Poem (Frank McDonald) William Shakespeare: Titus Andronicus = Muriel Spark: Death — Is It a Slow Nuisance?

(Clancy Jones)

Ernest Hemingway: The Old Man and the Sea = Andre Gide: Anathema Monthly News-Sheet

(Jeremy Smithies)

Competition entries

To enable competitors to economise on postage, entries for one or more weeks of the competition and/or crossword may be posted together under one cover addressed 'Competition Entries' provided each entry is enclosed in a separate marked envelope. Oliver Wendell Holmes: The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table = Charlotte Brontë: A Haworth Felo De Se: Vil- lette's Fake Album (Uncle Parro) Thomas Hardy: The Mayor of Casterbridge = Adam Smith: Forgery or Debt? A Cash Theory

(Philip Dacre)

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde: The Importance of Being Earnest = Edna O'Brien: The Girls of Erin: A Spoilt Romance with Face-Lifts. Age Well!

(Monica G. Ribon)

No. 1983: Hong Kong song

When Hong Kong leaves us next month, the British Empire will be reduced to a mere 13 'dependencies'. You are invited to write a poem or song for this occasion. Maximum 16 lines. Entries to 'Competition No. 1983' by 15 May.