PROVINCIAL SKETCHES
Is a very clever and amusing picture of life in a country town,with all its ludicrous punctilios, its stiff gentility, and its small factions about small subjects ; mingled here and there with touches of truth, and even of pleasant pathos, which show that its author is capable of other things besides satire. The satirical, however, is his forte; not energetic, bitter, or passionate, but quiet and laughter-provoking, dealing with foibles and affectations rather than vices ; and which is the seeming result of long and close ob- servation, such as a good-hutnotired old bachelor with time on his hands might be supposed to bestow on his provincial circle. The matter of these Sketches is indeed slight, and their execution somewhat minute; but the first is true, and the second masterly; whilst their brevity prevents their becoming tiresome.
The Salmagundi of WASHINGTON levt NG and his friends will convey a notion of the general character of the work ; though Pro- vincial Sketches is written in a less ambitious but more masterly manner, and deals with homelier subjects. An analytical specimen, however, will give the best idea ; and we will take the first paper, "The Rival Farmers," which is far from being the worst of the collection. The rivals are two farmers of the genteel class, such as no one but a man of society could have painted. They both attend the market-town of Loppington ; with a capital description of which, both on dull days awl market-days, the article opens. Back agq- culturist is a man of property ; each is addressed "Esq. on. his letters, and has "Esq." painted on his earth ; both aim at, and to a certain degree attain, a sort of acquaintanceship with some of the squires of their neighbourhood; and each rival is amazingly friendly and familiar when he meets the other. Mr. Jedediali Stott is rather
roystering, dashing blade—in a genteel way, of course ; and the greater part of his farm was his own land. This is the picture of Mr. Growse.
On the other bane, Simon Growse was a tenant only ; but be was quite as opulent a man as Jedediah Stott, and lived quite in as good style as be, and perhaps in some respects better ; for Simon was a bit of a dandy : he under- stood the mysteries of silver forks; and was so particularly genteel, that when• ever he visited London, he made it a point to take up his abode at the very West cud of the tuwn, so that his hotel was almost at Knightsbridge, while his business was in the neighbourhood of Tower 11i1. Simon employed two tailors, one in Louden and the other in the country, am was very particular in the cut of his coat—more so perhaps than Jederliah Stott. It was quite enough for Jedediah if he had the best cloth and the newest fashion ; but Simon had a mote susceptible eye; he could distinguish in a moment between a town and a counts), cut. Simon was also a man of letters, and for the matter of that, so was Jedediah • but Jedediah was cantent with ono or two of the most eminent
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riodicals • whereas Simon Grotese was tolerably knowing in modern literature
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ln general, though he never read novels exeept Walter Scott's ; hi reading was for the most part books of travels and works of science. In agriculture, Simon was very scientific by means of hooka, and if in our English Universities there were professorships of agriculture, Simon Growse would have been the very man for a professor and lecturer. It is tiue that he was not always successful in his scientific experiments, but he would have made a very good professor for all that ; indeed he would have shone with unmixed lustre as a professor or lecturer, because then he would have had no facts to put him out or puzzle him. As it was, the books which he read or the inferences which he drew from them, sometimes placed him in awkward predicaments; for either the inveterate and unscientific obstinacy of the soil which he cultivated, or the proverbial and nototious capriciousness of the weather, or something else, or a combination of circumstances over which Simon's sagacity had no control, and of which hia prescience had no appiehension, would occasionally put him out and contradict his theories point blank. And the worst of the matter was, that though he never saw any of his neighbuurs laughing at him, yet he knew very well that they did Ian!' at him.
The point of rivalry between our gentlemen farmers was genti- lity ; but before we state the modus operandi, let it be known what there was to operate upon. In the town of Loppington WWI a subscription assembly, which was fre- quented by all, and only, the nobility and gentry of Loppington and its vicinity. There were no nobility in the town of Loppington, but lots of gentility ; there was, however, a nobleman who had a seat within ten miles of the town, which
gave occasion to, °
and justification r)f, the phrase of the nobility and "entry of Loppington and its vicinity ; so that when any conjurors or quack doctors visited the town to astonish the natives by tinning pocket-handkerchiefs into nightcaps, or by cutting corns sa effectually as to prevent them from growing again till the operator has left tht• town, the handbills announcing these miracles were always addressed, under the patrooage of the worshipful the Mayor, to the nobility and gentry of the town of Loppington and its vicinity. The subserip- Con assembly, therefore, which was attended by all the nobility and gentry of Loppington and its vicinity, was a very august assembly, and great pains were taken to keep it very select; its exclusiveness, however, was not dheeted agaiust stable-boys and blacksmiths, but against the encroaching pertness of equivocal gentility ; consequently, all pers:ons of equivocal gentility were particularly anxious to obtain admi.-sion into it. hnrdel, with such an exemplary diligence and scrupulosity did the committee perform the important duty which devolved upon thenr—to watch over the selectness of the subscribers to the assembly— that they absolutely refused to admit the banker of Loppington, because, in ad- dition to his bank, he kept a general shop. In London, the bankers do not add the deding in soap, figs candles, huckaback, tea, coffee, tin pots, brickdust, tied gridirons, to their blinking business; but in small country towns, where the division of labour is not carried to the utmost perfection of which it is capable' and where the money business is not so abundant as it is in London and other large towns, it does sometimes happen that the bankers, by way of filling up their time, amuse themselves with dealing in grocery, drapery, and tiu-pottery. This was the case at Loppington; in consequence of which, the banker, though a very respectable mars and quite a gentleman, as the saying is, was rendered ineligible as a subscriber to the assembly. The committee were very sorry for it indeed, very—but what could be done? The banker was a most highly estimable man, and a very convenient one withal, sometimes, even to subscribers to the assembly—but be was a shopkeeper; and that a man who kept a shop should be admitted to the Loppington assemblies, so remarkably select and genteel as trier were, would be an abomination, and would sink the town of Loppington from the elevation and rank in which it stood, as being one of the genteelest little towns in the kingdom, down to the level of a common, coarse, low, vulgar, manufacturing town ; nay, even in manufacturing towns, though manufacturers be admitted to their assemblies, yet shopkeepers are most religiously excluded; for nature itself revolts at the thought of one who keeps an absolute shop, with an actual, broad, staring glass window stuck full of all manner of goods, daring to presume to come for to go for to think of dancing with one who does not keep a shop.
The Loppington banker then was excluded ; and with most 'exemplary patience did he submit to his fate, but not without deep endurance. He could not complain that he bad been unjustly dealt with or severely treated ; he knew beforehand the penalty of shopkeeping, as well as Adam and Eve knew the penalty of eating the forbidden fruit ; he was conscious of the fact ; be was a self-convicted shopkeeper, and he knew that the first commandment in Lopping- ton -vas, "Thou shalt not keep a shop." From that moment the shop became" a
sorry sight ;" he could not smell soap and candles without a sigh ; he liked not the looks of linendrapery, nor could he gaze on ginghams without a groan ; even sugar itself was no longer Sweet; and he mom ned over mops and molasses AS the birdlime that clogged the wings of his ambition. His nights also were disturbed by frightful dreams : sometimes he would dream that he bad been admitted as a subscriber to the assembly, and that he was dressed for the ball, and that he was going with a palpitating heart in a carriage to the rooms, and suddenly the carriage has stopped at the dorm and he has alighted in eager haste, when lo and behold, iiastead of finding his feet on terra firma, he has leaped into a treacle-tub up to the neck, his eyes have been terrified by the sight of birch. brooms crossed at the door of the assembly-room to prevent his en- trance; and he has smelt such a smell of tallow that he has awoke in the fright, glad to find that it was but a dream. This could not be borne long ; and therefore, after much deliberation and with no small sacrifice of profit, he re- solved heriocally on surrendering the shop and foregoing all the gains of ging- /lams and groceries, and forthwith became a most unexceptionable geutleman, and a subscriber to the Loppington aasembly. These events caused a great sensation in Loppington, and raised the ambition of the two esquires ; but they profited by this banker's first rejection, and shaped their course accordingly. Both ceased attending the market, and sent their bailiffs instead. Mr. Stott gave up the land he leased, arid even let a part of his own, in order to rise to the dignity of an actual landlord. Mr. Growse tarried his farm-house into a villa, and planted out his farm-yard. Mr. Stott actually entered a horse to run at Doncaster. Mr. Grease sported an open carriage and pair. After these and a variety of minor matters had been tried "according to the best of their ability, their names were severally proposed by their friends as gentlemen desirous of becoming subscribers to the Loppington assembly, pro- vided that the committee should think them eligible." To jump to the result- Jerhsiiah Stott was elected, and Simon Growse was rejected. The friends of Simon Growse did all in their power, by stating what a very polite man Simon was ; how very much like a gentleman he looked, especially when he had on the clothes made fur hini by his London tailor ; what a very scientific and learned man he was; bow he read the Quarterly Iteriew and all the best sort of new books ; and how his house had such handsome French windows; and how it did not look at all like a farm.house; and how Shnon himself did not look at all like a firmer; and how he had left off dining with the farmers at the market-table; and how he never appeared in the market place in person; and did not show samples of wheat, barley, beans, peas, or oats, with his own hand ; how he was a very opulent man, and probably, though a tenant, quite as rich as his landlord, who lived in London and was known to nobody. But all this would not do ; the great fact still stared them in the face, that Simon was, after all, nothing but a farmer ; and if they opened the doors of their assembly-mom to farmers, they would presently be overrun with bump- kins, as the Roman empire was overrun by the Goths, Huns, and Vandals. It was absolutely necessary that the line must be drawn somewhere. Every one agreed in pitying Simon Growse, and in thinking that his case was very hard ; and it was hoped that he would not take it to heart too much. Some persons went so far as to say it was a pity that Mr. Growl*, who was certainly a very respectable man, should be so ill advised as to think of placing himself on a level with gentlemen of the county ; for, with the exception of the professional gentlemen of the town, there were none but county gentlemen who were subscribers to the assembly. An apothecary residing in Loppington was eligible; but a village apothecary never presumed, by virtue of his plofessional-gentlemanship, to aspire to the honour of the assembly.
We must pass over—and sorry we are that we must—the feel- ings of Mr. Growse on this occasion, and how he cast about to be revenged. Suffice it to say, that finding no other means, he turned an Anti-Aristocrat, gave up the Quarterly, left off reading Black- wood, again visited the town of Loppington, grew very intimate with the Liberal party, and at the next election by his activity succeeded in turning the scale in favour of the Liberal candidate, or, atoll events, the Liberal candidate was elected. " Soon after this event, the Reform Bill was carried; and to this day it is a doubtful matter round about Loppington, to whom the country is most indebted for Parliamentary Reform—whether to the Duke of Wellington, to Earl Grey, or to Simon Growse, Esq."
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