YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Dear Mary.. .
Q. I work in the Canary Wharf building where the revolving doors are extremely heavy to operate. Should 1, therefore, still observe the conventional etiquette of allowing women to pass through the doors in front of me? So doing means that they are obliged to do the heaving, while I come through lightly in their wake. I cannot bring myself to go through first — the habit of
door deference is so deeply ingrained in me.
R.D., W8 A. In this scenario it is correct for you to set the revolving doors a-going yet refrain from entering. Having built up a certain momen- tum, you can usher any waiting women into the wedges in front of you before coming in yourself to bring up additional support from the rear.
Q. For years now I have been put off by people wanting to shake hands in the mid- dle of the service when I go to church. This is no problem when I'm at home as I locate a church where I know I shan't be assault- ed. I have gone to church all my life, love the Prayer Book and regard modern devel- oPMents with little enthusiasm. It is easy to switch off during extempore. prayers, but
one cannot dodge well-wishers. I hate hav- ing my hand shaken like this and dread the moment it will occur, and what makes it worse is that I don't want to be rude (though I wouldn't mind being considered handicapped in some way).
J. W.E.D., Worcestershire A. Why not take your cue from octogenari- an Princess Helen Rospigliosi whose family confessor was the legendary Monsignor Ronald Knox? She avoids these spiritual intrusions by keeping her head buried deep in her hands, as though wrapped in prayer, when the awful moment looms. She finds she is not usually disturbed.
Q. My husband held his knife and fork cor- rectly for 12 years. Now, for some unknown reason, he has started to rest his forearms
on the table while manipulating these implements, and to point them skywards between mouthfuls. When I upbraid him, he says, `Don't be so neurotic, I'm not try- ing to annoy you, I'm just physically exhausted at this time of day and the last thing I want to have to think about is hold- ing my knife and fork correctly.' What can I do about this new habit which I find so revolting that I can hardly breathe?
M. W., Marlborough, Wiltshire A. Try a double-pronged approach. Hang a mirror opposite your husband's position at table. Choosing moments when his table manners strike you as being particularly `Greystoke' you could say pleasantly, `You are looking handsome tonight!' or `That shirt really suits you!' — remarks which will trigger him to appraise himself in the mir- ror and thereby become cognisant of the full horror of the spectacle he is making. If there is no improvement you could pur- chase a pair of the newly fashionable flying- goggle-style sunglasses, which are widely available this summer. Sit sideways to your husband at table, rather than opposite him. The side panels of these glasses will act as efficient blinkers.
Mary Killen
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