Barrow Bards

To restore a touch of the lyrical now lost to our cities, competitors were invited to compose a street cry for a vendor of one of the following articles: a detergent, a home perm, chewing- gum, a pair of nylons, toothpaste, a lipstick, a zip fastener, or a cereal.

I judged this competition with the help of a veteran street vendor whom 1 posed against a backcloth of Oxford Street. Many entries failed the test. "Who do they think I am— Noel Coward?" complained my' assistant, glaring at some of the more sophisticated entries. "Or Gerard Manley Hopkins?" he might have added. (Try singing "Showering goodness of sunshone grain" at the top of a cheerful hoarse voice.) There were entries suitable for a massed choir in a setting by Vaughan Williams: one beautiful postcard that I dizzily judged to be a quotation from Berlioz: and one near-sonnet. The innocence of primitive advertisement was not easily simulated.

By my shining nylons ! Only whipped last night !

and Sylvia Clayton : Curly locks, curly locks, five an' a tanner ! All done at 'ome wiv two turns of a spanner ! Try one today an' dazzle yer neighbours Wiv a '011ywood 'airdo like Miss Zsa-Zsa

But, lined up in the gutter, most of the entrants, I think, would soon have been detected for the disguised highbrows they were: though brisk business might have been done by Pithecus ("No press studs the fingers rip, No more hooks and eyes to clip, Yet an everlasting grip"), F.C. ("Nylons to give, Fiddle fiddle"), P.M. ("Fully-fashioned, ladderproof, Fit for a filly with a dainty hoof"), and D. R. Peddy ("Though yer nipper wants a kipper for 'is 'ungry gob, Try corn flakes—two bob!"). I suspect, however, that the crowds would have been thickest round Kenneth S. Kitchin (£2), H. A. C. Evans and Towanbucket (30s. each), who can be heard bawling their prize- winning heads oft below.

PRIZES

(KENNETH S. K1TCH1N)

Every chunk's a cheery chaw What ain't never been chewed before!

It'll polish your teeth and sweeten your hands And do a world o' good to your glands, So come and spend a tanner or two On my ev-er-last-ing CHEW I

(H. A. C. EVANS)

Wheaties, lovely wheaties, Nicer than sweet meaties,

Buy my lovely wheaties

And give the kids their treat-ies, Best for breakfast, Best for supper, Best for tea With a nice hot cuppa, Everybody's eaties, Buy my lovely wheaties.

(TOWANBUCKET)

Lipstick You maidens shy Come buy, come buyl This lipstick glamorous Makes men amorous; Sweetens kisses, Heightens blisses; Lends attraction,

Speeds up action. Then why, 0, why Should maidens sigh?

To get a guy, Come buy, come buy!