YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. Next weekend I have an old friend com- ing to stay. He has recently become much celebrated for his novel, which won him a number of prizes, generated fan mail from literary bigwigs etc. Alas he has become too big for his boots and has lost a great deal of his old charm in the wake of this lionising. How can I cut him down to size?
M.W, Marlborough.
A. Simply nip into your nearest remainder bookshop. Buy a book bearing a 'Book Sale, 95p' sticker and slap it on to a copy of your friend's novel which you should leave lying around. This will probably have the desired effect and may restore in your friend some of the humility which you pre- viously preferred.
Q. You once advised a reader how to go about avoiding being duped by their garage Into having bogus and unnecessary work done on their car. Can you advise me of a foolproof method of finding workmen to do painting and decorating who will be honest, reliable and cheap? I have had such bad luck with workmen in the past that I
. .
Dear Mary.
cannot face having my house done up with- out being certain I will not be provoked again.
Name and address withheld A. Marvellous opportunities currently exist for those with friends or contacts who are restoring old family seats or homes in Poland and who can introduce them to some Polish workmen. Polish workmen are utterly reliable and competent and are happy to drive across to England and effect transformations to flats and houses for wages of around £100 per week. Owners of houses or flats can 'throw in' sleeping accommodation for the workmen, who then
consider the whole deal to be absolutely first-rate and well worth the rewards involved.
Q. I am told by perfectly respectable friends that, when greeted with the word 'Cheers', not to reply in a similar manner causes great offence. Although brought up to regard this term as quite beyond the pale, I am loath to appear patronising and cause unnecessary offence to otherwise quite reasonable types such as publicans, garage mechanics and bank managers. What course of action do you suggest?
H.N.F., London SW18 A. The Prince of Wales is happy to reply 'Cheers' in such scenarios, so it should be not too much trouble for you to grit your teeth and reply similarly. You could always affect to cough at the same time as you were saying the word so as to ensure that your facial expression was not too patronising.
On Saturday, 29 January, Mary had a little lamb.
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