5 MARCH 1983, Page 40

No. 1256: The winners

Jaspistos reports: Competitors were asked for an extract from a brochure describing the sort of commune they would least like to join.

A recent article in the Times stimulated my never very dormant horror of com- munal living. 'At Canon Frome Court we are short of people with a burning desire to maintain farm machinery... ', 'Crow Hall has a motto: All we can offer you is yourself.. .', 'Preoccupations at "All" in Moseley, Birmingham, vary from goat and compost to therapy and horror movies ... ' Reading such words, 1 feel the Luddite and the hermit stir within me, not to mention the screaming abdabs. Among the entries V. M. Cornford's brochure ended chilling- ly: 'We think a sense of humour very im- portant — there's a small prize for the best pun of the day'. In Tom Cochrane's com- mune (surprisingly, not supported by the GLC) 'children are encouraged to develop self-expression in the context of an unstruc- tured upbringing, but sexual counselling is compulsory for those aged eight and under'. The prize-winners printed below receive £9 each, and W. F. Owtram gets the bonus bottle of Château de Barbe Villeneuve 1971 for a most original and unattractive idea.

We still have vacancies for Life Membership in our rejuvenating and fascinating University Students Survivors Society, based at Nostalgia Hall, Old Memory Lane, Bagshot. Both sexes welcome, and Sex permitted under conditions of discretion. Here, along with others, you will be enabled to participate once more in the romps and larks of your halcyon days. You will feel decades younger by plunging into the recreated environment of your youth, and comparing notes as to careers with the well-loved (and even once hated!) members of your old college etc.

Long-stay Members are given exceptionally at- tractive terms, and the No-rank-pulling Rule en- sures harmony and equitable discipline.

(W. F. Owtram)

BROTHER SUN HOUSE is a closely-knit and caring community, established in the disused tractor- shed of a Milton Keynes farm — tractors having been replaced by oxen — which aims at heighten- ing the guest's sense of harmony and identifica- tion with his fellows at grass-roots level.

Sharers will occupy a common sleeping-area, using communal organic, bio-degradable bed- The Spectator 5 March 1983 ding. Meals, taken by man and fellow-creature at a single vessel, will consist only of vegetable wholefoods, which, together with waste body- products, will be recycled into the ongoing chain of decay and rebirth.

It is hoped that each sharer will make a rele-

vant contribution to the self-supporting and inter-supportive life of the Community. we musl stress that the sharer should renounce all pecuniary possessions (barriers to total self- integration into the St Francis-experience) at the outset.

(Jill HingYi) On this beautiful far-flung Scottish island an at- tempt is being made to resuscitate the spirit of ancient Pictish matriarchy to survive the male nuclear holocaust. Accordingly the few males ac- cepted must possess both proven docility and a main skill such as apiaristics or nettle-dying.

Twentieth-century crutches such as make-UP are out. While use is made of windfalls —

already dead voles and sheep and cows which have succumbed to old age — the diet is, for peace purposes, largely farinaceous. Each mother on admittance is provided with her own bee-hive hut and souterrain. Skua-oil lamps suP- ply illumination. The great circle convenes for commune ad- ministration• and enjoyment of readings from mother-pioneers from prehistory such as Lady Astor, Margaret Fuller, Hypatia etc. On its own forgotten island far (nGoerothrge rvot:noirn: O'Groats, Econoia offers a singular Way for the sensitive soul. Our modest little community was formed in 1919 by men and women resolved to live together without hatred. We have kept faith ever since with the teachings of dear Sister Alice. summed up in the words with which we begirt each day: 'Frugal fare and birthday wear render loving free from care'. This our first contact with the old world is brought about by the sad passing of several of our beloved brothers. Many who re- main have become too weak to gather our daily diet of mushrooms, berries and rock tripe from the seashore. We look now for young men wit° will take up the mantles of those who no longer share in our earthly pilgrimage. Applicants should include a full-length photograph. (Rob Hull) We in `Micro-communalisation are using com- puter technology to free ourselves of the present in order to move back into the future. Through unbiased computerised selection we are assembl- ing a cross-section of people who have nothing in common. Our community will comprise a balanced range of ages, sexes, classes, colours, political and religious beliefs, intellects temperaments and body sizes, to create a wor19 in miniature. We shall thrive on trust arid tolerance to prove that 'different is beautiful'' The success of our world writ small will provide a lesson for all humankind.

Interested? Just complete the eight-page aP- plication form and within 28 days our coMPuter will inform you whether or not you have been ac- cepted as a `Micro-communalisationist'.

Live musicians' Free Expres(sVio. Er

Expression Squatnes Ernest Cox Camberwell can take one or two more reallY committed members. At present we are: flute (and piccolo), euphonium, drums and violin. We ir)i want variety, but positively NO electronics, [ran: quillisers or alcohol. Must be able to cook and drive. Very soon we will afford to go 'legit: in top-floor high-rise Leyton. No other

offers quite so much. (Jean HaYcs) experience offers quite so much.