YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My husband and I have a holiday apart- ment in Lanzarote where we go every year. Unfortunately we must share the swimming pool with some British people who clearly do not respect our German efficiency. It is our custom to get up early before the other guests and put our towels on a deckchair so that we can be sure to have our place in the sun. When we return to the pool after breakfast and our morning exercises, we find that our fellow British guests have shamelessly discarded our towels and are lying in the deckchairs we reserved! Some- times the attendant must even fish them out of the pool (the towels, that is. Maybe it will be the guests the next time). You and your readers will certainly agree that this is 'nicht die fine englische Art'. We have reported this behaviour to the hotel manag- er, but he is also inefficient and insolent. How can we deal with these guests without resorting to litigation? By the way, eating muesli by the pool is unhygienic.
S.E-V., Hochachtungsvoll, Villingen A. A better method of bagging deckchairs is to purchase a luggage strap complete with tiny plastic padlock of the type available at any airport. This can be looped through the
Dear Mary.. .
chinstrap of a giant sunhat, then looped again through a suitable opening in the deckchair before the lock is clipped smartly to. As such a sunhat would otherwise blow away, this method need not seem aggres- sive.
Q. How can one tactfully suggest to a potential boyfriend that he see a dental hygienist? There is someone in my year who obviously fancies me. I fancy him, too, but so far we are just good friends because of his teeth, which have a black tidemark halfway up them. What should I do?
Name withheld, University of East Anglia A. Find out the name of a local hygienist. Write out a notice announcing that she is offering free treatments to students, and pin it to your college notice-board. Then walk past with your friend and scream with excitement as you draw his attention to it. Offer to make an appointment for both of you. Remove the notice from the board and pop along and settle your bill in advance to avoid embarrassment . . . Full buccal inti- macy can then commence, subject to the recommended quarterly check-ups.
Q. I am a London taxi-driver. How can I prevent passengers from talking to me in a slightly patronising way — asking my opin- ion on political issues and the like when all I want is a quiet ride?
D.T, Braintree A. When such conversational overtures are made simply shout back, 'Sorry, guvnor . . . just waiting for a message to come through me earpiece. The bleedin' recep- tion's up the bubble and squeak.' Screw your face up as though straining to hear. Your passenger will soon lose interest in talking to you and will settle back into a reverie.
Mary Killen
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