Every Picture a Story-Teller

SPECTATOR COMPETITION No. 318 Report by W. May Byron Competitors were invited to imagine that, as an anti-inflationary measure, advertising agencies have been asked to reduce costs by using only blocks of well-known pictures from galleries and collections as illustrations to their advertisements. A £5 prize was offered for copy to go with any such picture (to be named) advertising any of the usual commodities. Brand names must be the competitor's own invention.

Jokes Weekly. In a very large entry indeed, PRIZES

these two were by far the most popular pictures. It was therefore particularly astute of Douglas Hawson to press both these portraits into service as a Before and After for BURPO indigestion mixture. When Did You Last See Your Father? came third in popularity, and I liked Granville Garley's idea for using it to advertise the Split- Second Watch, by which `you can tell when you last saw your father—to a split second,' as well as Nancy Gunter's 'when did YOU last see your Father? Or send him a mes- sage of Remembrance?' on behalf of DADDIBOY greeting cards. No other single picture did duty for more than four com- modities apiece, and will some competitors look up `commodity' in their dictionaries please. Insurance schemes, beauty treat- ments and courses of lessons were all dis- qualified. The standard of entries was below my expectations, but I am grateful for a nice little collection of picture post- cards and two pen and ink drawings.

I would like to congratulate D. Wylow for selecting the Arnolfini portrait to lend elegance to her maternity gown advertise- ment, Jeffrey Smith for realising that what is wrong with the Picasso Still Life (1912) is that the CRUNCHYPOPS are missing ('breakfast just isn't the same without Crunchypops'), and Carole Baker for choosing Holman Hunt's Scapegoat to rein- force the horror of lank hair with the idea of selling more `Curly Lamb' Home Perms.

I recommend that the prize money be divided equally among P. M., N. Hodgson and E. V. W. The runners-up were, besides

THE Mona Lisa and the Laughing Cavalier those already mentioned, Arthur Chambers, were used to advertise practically every- R. Y. Holmes, R. E. J. Locke, L. E. thing from Skrumpshus Chocolates to Jolly Honnoi, 'Katy,' and John Digby.

(P. id.) (PICTURE: SEATED NUDE BY P. WILSON STEER) 'And to think this dress fitted me a month ago! It must be all that bicycling. Whatever shall 1 wear at the Garden Party now?'

Lady, do not despair, but bring such worries to us. We specialise in making molehills out of mountains.

Hooper and Girder (20 Oxbridge)

can turn you into a hip-happy houri for life. There's a Divinity for you,

the miracle belt of elasticised steel (all sizes to 44) that will have you sitting pretty and enjoying it to the top of your bent before you can say 'pinch me.'

By the cut of your jib you will be known as the neatest craft on Society's Soignée River! Call or order Now

(Divinity Belts Advt.)

(N. HODGSON)

(PICTURE: MONA LISA) Mona Lisa! How well we all know that lovely and mysterious smile? But Matt Arnold got her wrong. There is really no mystery about it. She smiles because she feels safe. Through the stormy world of the Renaissance, with its cloaks and daggers, its gangsters and molls, its arsenic and old lace, she walks serene and secure. She can drop in on Ben Cellini for a sherry and sandwiches without a tremor. She can dine and dance at the Borgias without a qualm. For she knows that the worst that can happen to a girl can never happen to her. Unlike the dame in the history books, she will never drop a garter on the floor—nor anything else. And why not? For the simple and sufficient reason that every- thing she wears is held in position by the patent extra double-strength GRIPPO—the elastic that never snaps!

(E. V. W.)

(PICTURE: 'WHEN DID YOU LAST SIM YOUR FATHER?')

'When did you last see your father?'

'Six months ago, sir.'

`Why did he leave home?' 'He was on the night shift, sir. The house was too noisy for him to sleep by day.'

'But had he never heard of DULSOUND

PRODUCTS?'

`DULSOUND PRODUCTS, sir?' `DULSOUND PRODUCTS incorporate interstrac' tura! insulation. Understand?'

'No. sir.'

'DULSOUND PRODUCTS DEADEN DIN, NULLIFY NOISE, STIFLE SOUND, CUT OUT CLATTER, HO HULLABALLOO. Now do you see?'

'Oh yes, sir.'

'And will you explain to Mother about

DULSOUND PRODUCTS?'

'Rather, sir.' (Thinks: If only Mum had, known about DULSOUND PRODUCTS, Dad would still be here.) 'Remember, DULSOUND PRODUCTS are indir pensable to all whose work demands absolute quiet. Money spent on installing DULSOUND PRODUCTS will quickly treble itself in income'

Get the point?'

'Yes sir.' (Thinks: Mum'll get it too. Thai Dad will come home again and we'll be rich! Whoopee! ')