No. 1363: The winners

Jaspistos reports: Competitors were asked for a story for young children cheerfully inculcating a cheerless lesson appropriate to the modern world.

I don't know what the upper age-limit for 'young children' is but the type of reader some of your cautionary tales were addressed to came into the category of wizened little adults rather than laid-back, cynical nippers. The tone was often too knowing, not jaunty and jolly enough. Two of you came up with same moral, 'There is no such thing as a free lunch', surely the most misleading piece of advice ever given. The winners earn £8 each (hard luck, D. A. Prince) and the bonus bottle of Vosne Roman& Les Beauxmonts 1980, pre- sented by the Chelsea Arts Club, goes to Paul Griffin.

Mr Giles the farmer had a cow called Frederica, who gave lots of milk, and even did social work among the other cows.

'Mr Giles is prospering,' said Frederica one day. 'He ought to give us more food. We have only enough to live on. We need more so that we can have parties.'

She persuaded her friends to hold back their milk until Mr Giles gave them more fodder, with even more to Frederica for her social work. What parties those cows gave!

Now milk yields went down, but the cows would not let Mr Giles give them less fodder. 'Rate for the job!' they cried happily.

Mr Giles was happy too, because the price of beef was going up, and his cows were growing fatter and fatter.

So everyone was happy.

Moral: Politics is present laughter, Economics

what comes after. (Paul Griffin) The three little kittens went down into their garden. What a lot of peas and beans there were! And sprouts and carrots!

They clapped their paws in delight.

The whole day they pulled and shelled, and picked and peeled. There Was lots of work to do, and lots of nasty mess to clear up. But they worked ever so hard, and soon had all the peas and beans and sprouts and carrots ready.

'Yum-yum!' they cried. And then, because they were so tired, they fell asleep in one corner of the nice, old kitchen.

When their mummy came home, she found them all snoring away! And lots of peas and beans and carrots and sprouts beside them!

'Wake up!' she cried. You naughty kittens! Now it is so near your bedtime we shall have to get a quick meal out of the freezer, and the vegetables will all be wasted!'

• What naughty kittens!

But their mummy got out lots of lovely packets, and, anyway, their pet pigs had an extra-special breakfast! (E. L. Bellwringle) When Bimbo was a very little boy his Mummy and Daddy died driving home from the pub. My goodness, they had drunk a lot! The policeman who found them only had to follow his nose to discover their car at the bottom of a steep cliff.

Bimbo set off to the town to find his only living relative, Uncle Norman. When he went to wash his hands at the bus station he met an old man. The old man had a funny little game with Bimbo and afterwards gave him some sweets.

When Bimbo got off the bus he was still rather sore. 'Never mind,' .thought the cheerful lad. 'My uncle will look after me.'

Uncle Norman was a very wise man. He explained to Bimbo that God put us in this world to stand on our own two feet. But he made a promise. He told Bimbo that if he could look after himself for ten years and save his money he would get a place on a Youth Training Scheme.

Lucky Bimbo! No grown-ups told him silly fairy stories or spoilt him. Soon he was as wise as his Uncle Norman and living in Majorca with lots of money he found in a bank.

(Basil Ransome-Davies) Once, there were ten families of white rabbits living happily in a neat, comfy warren — that is, until the Brown family came next door.

The Whites didn't like them, and wouldn't ask them to their parties, but this didn't worry the Browns, who went on nibbling the carrot tops on their patch of field.

A man with a gun came along one day and shot at the white rabbits because he couldn't see the brown ones. He missed, luckily, but they all ran home and daren't come out again, and nearly starved . . . But not quite, because the Browns felt sorry about it and took them some food.

After that they became firm friends and lots of white rabbits married brown ones.

Presently, as rabbits grow up quickly, there were more Browns than Whites, because some- times the man with the gun didn't miss.

Moral: Sometimes it pays to be different.

(Mary Ann Moore) Here is Jemima at school. She likes school, and her Mummy is glad because Mummy has to go to work. Jemima's real daddy doesn't live at home any more, but she thinks she will soon have a step-daddy. She doesn't mind too much, be- cause lots of her friends have step-mummies or daddies. Jemima thinks they are lucky to have two mummies and daddies. Sarah, one of Jemima's friends, says she has two mummies and two daddies, so she is extra-lucky.

The teacher is telling Jemima and her friends about the jobs that grown-ups do. Some grown- ups find it hard to get jobs, because they are trying to do the wrong sort of work. Jemima has already decided what she will be. She'll be a divorce lawyer, and help lots of boys and girls get new mummies and daddies, and earn lots of money to give to Mummy.

(Katie Mallett) Once upon a time there was a big bad wolf called Dollaroso who lived in a huge white house in the middle of the jungle. He was a mean and greedy wolf who kept for himself the food the other animals had saved. They were all afraid of him: Sterling the lioness, Mark the tiger, Lira the leopard and Franc the rabbit. The only friend he had was Yen the squirrel, who sold him toys and videos for his playroom.

After a while Dollaroso got very fat and grew a big tummy, which he called his 'deficit'. But by this time Sterling was very annoyed because her babies were crying all night with hunger; so she went to the white house to ask Dollaroso for some food. Imagine her surprise when she found the wolf and Rouble the bear playing Star Wars on the video — and all the food eaten!

(John O'Byrne)