TOPICS OF THE DAY.
WHAT THE MINISTERS EAT.
THE Whig Ministers give us continual cause for enlarging the dk- tionary. So remarkable a career is theirs, that the bold individual who would chronicle their deeds, much more who would do justice to their character, finds himself fairly bothered in his literary re- sources, which arc all too limited. fly the objects. Existing forms of expression are weak, or do not fitly apply to the new and un- heard-of goings-on which it is required to relate. The men arc indescribable, goings-on
goings-on ineffable, goings-on ineffable,
"And panting Speech toils after them in vain."
We had lately occasion to add several words to the English lan- guage under the letter II; and we have reason to believe they found considerable favour with philologists and literary men, and are likely to come into fluniliar use, like all words Ihunded in a real necessity. We shall probably continue, from time to time to pro- pose similar verbal innovations, as circumstances transpire to sug- gest them, or our own reflections convince us that they are wanted.
Meanwhile, our attention has been recalled to this subject by some observations we were reading in a late number of the Times; which raised this curious question in our minds—What do the Ministers eat ? The Times says " dirt ; " but this, although a sufficiently accurate statement of a particular fret, will not do as a general answer to the question. No doubt, a complete description of the nature and habits of the Whig official animal would em- brace ample and interesting particulars under the head of " Food." We believe the vulgar, having heard so much of " loaves and fishes," imagine that Ministers subsist entirely on those primitive articles of diet, and open accounts nowhere but at the baker's and the fishmonger's : a notion similar to that which used to be enter- tained of royalty ; for it was thought by simple people, before the corrupting days of Penny Magazines, that, when the King folded his arms, a lion and unicorn met across his breast.
It seems to us that the most correct description of the habits of the Official Whig in regard to food, would be presented, if for the common term " herbivorous," by the alteration of a single letter, we read "verbieorous." In fact, the animal "eats its words," if we are not very much mistaken. This rerbirorousness of the Official Whig may be considered as a sort of instinctive recognition of the truth of that principle which says " Eat or be eaten; ' for may we not affirm, without excess of metaphor, that if Official Whigs did not eat their words, their words would eat them ? Half their pro- mises, if not broken, would undo them ; so they break them. Necessity says, "Eat your wordy or be eaten ;" and they cat. With respect to " dirt," they may cat that too ; but we contend that they never make such a hearty meal of any thing as of their own words; which aught, therefore, according to all scientific pre- cedent in these cases observed, to be held the distinguishing circum- stance, determining the nomenclature. We grant them lutivorons; (as our contemporary would maintain them to he,) and also panieo- rons and piscivorons, (as the vulgar hold); but MT contend that they are chiefly, characteristically, and transcendently verbicorous. Need we instance the repast made of the Appropriation-clause ? —to-day, identical with Ministerial existence ; to-morrow, "de- serted at its utmost need," &c. ? Need we adduce the Corn- feed of the noble and hungry logophagist for the home Depart- ment—the words of 1822 eaten in 1839—the laws pronounced ex- cellent at Huntingdon, (Dater to the Electors,) and elsewhere at other times, but mischievous in Parliament this last February ? Need we recall that ,ingularly over-chewed mouthful, that unique quid, that perfect pulp—the five-tineas-eaten Ballot words ? Five times ?—Ay, eaten, at the lowest reckoning, live several times! As witness- 1. Ballot denounced, (Parliamentary Speeches, passim);
2. Ballotfinatreet, (in the original projection of the Reform Bill) ;
3. Ballot denounced, (Parliamentary Speeches, passim);
4. BallotsSeeweed, (Speeches on Stroud hustings);
5. Ballot mu (Letter to Stroud Electors.) To which, if the " actions" of men were always " suited to the words" and the " words to the actions," we might add a sixth place, and say-6. Ballot fitr„ ere. S practically, by being " opened" with a view to promote its passing ;—for we are not to forget that "he has not consented to make the Ballot an open question as a mode of injuring the Ballot."* Here's a meal, then ! or may it not almost challenge the in- tenser appellation of a " blow-out ?" Here's verbivorous rumi- nating for you! Did ever cow chew cud at this rate ? Nay, and for slight refreshments, mere luncheons, has not every week of the session furnished evidence, that their own words are still the staple food of Official Whigs ? Exempli gratiti- " It would be a want of respect to the established religion, if Go- vernment should advise her Majesty to change the custom which had hitherto been observed in this matter," says Lord JOHN Res- SELL (Thursday 28th Feb.) in opposing Mr. Deacouna's motion respecting theatrical amusements in Lent. " It was his opinion," says the same noble lord, four days later— but after a Parliamentary defeat, and when such unusual things as " renewed cries of Oh!‘' had infixed some suspicion of a wrong scent—" that, taking into consideration the change of custom in the observance of Lent, an alteration (LI' the law was required as re- spected theatrical entertainments." • * Morning Chronicle, as quoted the week before last. These are but a few instances of a habit, which it is believed only requires to be named to claim universal recognition, and to be found deserving of the nomenclature and distinction we desire to give it. We submit this paper, therefore, merely as a contribution to the Philosophical Transactions, and as a help to future natural historians. When the future political LINN:EUS shall undertake a complete scientific description of the animal known as the Official Whig, our services will not be forgotten, we hope. We have already shown, in a former paper, that in respect of " habits" the animal belongs to the humbugeous class. We now claim the merit of having thrown light upon the interesting department of " food," and of having proved the animal nerbivorous.
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