The skinny on sportswear
James Sherwood seeks suitable jogging attire There are few things more sanctimonious or self-deluding than a lifelong devotee of Marlboro reds and gin martinis like me extolling the virtues of a newfound exercise routine such as running. All those delicious addictions may be redirected along the South Bank at 7 a.m., but sure as aspirin follows Scotch one still buys a sneaky ten-pack on the home stretch and persistently loads the bottle bank with empties like a deadeyed tourist feeding the slots in Vegas.
The struggle is secondary to the fundamental style dilemma: how to dress appropriately for sport. An ill-informed friend who coaxed me into running said, loftily, that the minute you don exercise clothing you become invisible. This is nonsense. Running in central London is more of a fashion parade than high noon on the Via della Spiga.
Olympian bodies sprint past clad in little more than Lycra sheaths that even Michael Phelps would consider immodest. Pleasing as these sights may be, there soon comes the time to sink to the knees and ululate with despair that you will ever compare. It is a universal if depressing truth for strangers to exercise that, once past 30, your body decides it wants a life of its own. The question is how to dress a work-in-progress with style and grace until your physique rivals the Elgin marbles.
‘I am sorry to report that there’s not much out there,’ says Savile Row new establishment tailor Richard James, ‘even though I do find it rather thrilling that Niketown on Oxford Street offers a bespoke trainer service. Running is an insular exercise. You do it for yourself and do not necessarily want to stand out. So I avoid colour or pattern and tend to wear navy. My running shorts are loose-fitting Nike navy shorts and I tend to wear Richard James T-shirts because they are a nicer shape than the ones you find in the sport shops. I would love to design a collection of sports clothes that flatter: a before, interim and after that become more fitted as your body gets fitter.’ At the risk of sounding like those mercifully unseated two horsewomen of the sartorial apocalypse, Trinny and Susannah, there are simple rules to avoid humiliation on the run. Jog nowhere in W1 at lunchtime other than the Royal Parks. You only get in the way and risk Brummelesque ridicule from the bow window at White’s. Furthermore, to misquote Auden, if you run in the morning, it is wiser and nicer to get off the streets by 8 a.m.
Nicolas Sarkozy is a surprising poster boy for smart ‘le running’ kit. It is a sign of the times that the man who attended Her Majesty’s State Banquet this year in white tie that made Chaplin’s little tramp look dapper is so adept at wearing gym kit with dignity. His favourite navy NYPD T-shirt is loose enough to cover his slight paunch and his shorts, though too brief, match. Crucially, his entourage — be it François Fillon or his bodyguards — also favour a single-colour kit as well as providing safety in numbers.
The one-colour rule works equally well in grey or black but never white where one risks looking like a lone member of the Ku Klux Klan being pursued by the entire cast of Roots. Some may consider sunglasses like Sarko’s retro Aviators pretentious. Not so. People such as William Hague and David Cameron have the misfortune to look simple when they don a hat — be that baseball cap or cycling helmet — and sunglasses offset the prat-in-a-hat problem.
Sarko also understands proportion. Like ageing chorines, middle-aged men know that the legs are the last things to go, hence Monsieur le Président’s shortshorts. Chaps not blessed with the body of Donatello’s Perseus would be advised to balance a tight top with looser shorts or vice versa. Far from being unseemly, Lycra running shorts are rather like those foundation garments actresses wear at the Oscars to smooth excess flesh away. Worn with a tight, cap-sleeved singlet, however, you do appear poured into your kit and someone forgot to say ‘when’.
There are garments in which it would take a titan of Usain Bolt’s proportions to avoid appearing camp. The sun visor is one. The thin stretch singlet is another. Threequarter-length running tights, however, are easier on the eye than split-side satin running shorts currently making an alarming comeback on the South Bank.
As for brands, I would surmise that few gentlemen over 30 used to the discreet charm of Anderson & Sheppard would relish an encounter with the yahoos who frequent Niketown Oxford Street. The answer, of course, is to shop online for the big brands (Nike and Adidas), cool brands (Puma and Under Armour), niche brands (Pearl Izumi and Sugoi) and inexpensive generics like Ron Hill at sportsaver.co.uk. I would recommend the last one just in case the louche life or shin splints curb your enthusiasm.
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