7 APRIL 2001, Page 55

Q. The other night I had dinner in a private

house. There were ten around the table. During dinner one of the other guests — a famously bitchy woman — made two or three jokes at my expense and a couple of crushing remarks. She punctuated these with a series of withering looks. Since I brim with self-confidence, I was not disturbed but wondered what might have been an elegant way of getting my own back without spoiling the atmosphere for our kind hostess?

Name and address withheld A. One foolproof means of disconcerting virtually anyone is to murmur sympathetically, 'You must be very stressed by all the rumours going around about you. . ' Should the indignant response be 'What rumours?', shake your head from side to side annoyingly and drawl, 'I never listen to them. . . . '