YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED
Q. My best friend is married to a man who is something of a tin-pot dictator in his own mini-domain. He requires her fullest atten- tion when he is at home, and as a result I dread ringing her up in case he answers. I am not frightened of him, and his wife says he does not mean to be rude, but the hostil- ity in his telephone manner leaves me feel- ing queasy for the rest of the day. What can I do about this?
M. V., Wilts A. It would surely be better not to have to exchange any pleasantries, or unpleas- antries, with him at all before reaching your friend telephonically. Make the following arrangement with her so that she knows You are trying to get in touch. Ring her number, and, if the dictator answers, simply carry on pressing the dialling buttons when you hear his voice. Say nothing. He will hear only an irritating set of clicking noises and will presume that the call has come through on a crossed line. With luck, he will be enraged enough to tell his wife, who, no doubt, will be in the same room if he requires her fullest attention. She will then realise she has received her
Dear Mary.. .
cue to telephone you as soon as the coast is clear.
Q. We have a certain number of what might be called 'convenience friends' in the coun- try. Like convenience foodstuffs, they are not ideal but are almost always available, locally accessible, and their propinquity enables us (and them) to enjoy trouble-free socialising, often arranged at the last minute. One man in particular, however, though fine up here, would be unacceptable in a London drawing-room. How can I avoid inviting him to my husband's 50th birthday dinner for 100 people which I am holding in London — given that I will be unable to conceal from him the fact that I
am organising this? The person whose house I am borrowing for the party has always said she and her husband find him particularly objectionable, so there is no way around it.
P.P., Northumberland A. Be quite open about the fact that you are organising the party, then draw aside the man in question and explain to him, `The most awful thing is that we won't be able to have you there. I'll tell you why, but you must promise not to tell anyone in the whole world if I do.' When he agrees, tell him solemnly that the woman whose house you are borrowing has conceived a violent physical attraction towards him, her husband has found out about it and will not have him in the house. This white lie should save his feelings and enable you to continue your socialising with impunity.
Mary Killen
If you have a problem, write to Mary Killen, do The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, Lon- don, WC IN 2LL.
Previous page
