REPORT ON COMPETITION NO. 37

COMPETITORS were invited to perpetrate original " schoolboy's howlers " in connexion with any five of ten given sentences and phrases. Some of the phrases are generally associated with classical howlers, and since the judge was not in a position to probe the motives of competitors, disqualification was the fate of those who submitted " Arms and poison for the dog " for arena virumque cano ; " father of twins" for pas de deux ; or " in a drunken voice " for sotto voce. A few other ingenious errors had a slightly familiar ring, but since documentary evidence of their origin was not forthcoming, their sponsors were assumed to be their authors. Ce n'est quo le premier pas qui coil te was attempted by almost every competitor. " It is certainly not the Prime Minister who is cute " (R. P. Fleming) was the most agreeable version, closely followed by " It is only the Prime Minister—not anyone who counts " (W. H. S. Truell)—the latter the most pleasing form of a sentiment of which there were many slight variants—and " It's only the Premier's father with gout " (0. Haward). Pas de deux was also brilliantly rendered by Mr. Truell as " Virgin birth "; other agreeable efforts were " A lovers' walk " (A. J. F. Monro), " Atheism " (Miss L. Leschke), and " double negative " (Gordon Hawes). Anna virumque cano produced " the arm was poisoned by the dog " (Miss S. B. Owsley), " arms dog the man " (Mrs. Teague), and " an armed man in a canoe " (F. H. Hills). Sotto voce, apart from numerous variants of the classical translation, inspired only one of the prize-winners and Towanbucket, who described it as " Italian for a low vice." Maginot Line was admirably rendered by Colonel Fuller as " the route of the Magi," but drew nothing else of note, and Fifth Column was similarly unproductive. The best versions of Deus ex machina were " mechanised religion " (Douglas Hawson) and "God is outside the machine " (C. E. D. de Labilliere). Towanbucket had an admirable description of Horse-power in " the number of horses it took to pull a motor- car before motor-cars were invented." The best versions of Il se recule pour mieux sourer were "He is voluntarily retiring for the improvement of his health " (C. E. D. de Labilliere) and " He replaces his bathing-drawers to dive better " (Mrs. S. Gordon). The best products of Le bon de l'histoire were " The historic nurse " (Walter J. Douglas), " the governess of the historian " (Miss L. Leschke), " the dry bones of history " (Douglas Hawson), and Towanbucket's "Le bon de l'histoire is another name for the Maid of Orleans."

The entries of three competitors stood out from the rest of a large entry, though none managed to do without the regulation Prime Minister. As they seemed of precisely equal merit, they are each awarded a prize of a book token for Li is.

Prize-winning entries.

Pas de deux.—The peace of God.

Anna virumque cano.—Love me, love my dog.

Sotto voce.—Set to music.

Ce n'est quo le premier pas qui coilte.—It isn't the Prime Minister

who counts.

Il se recule pour mieux saucer.—Remember to look before you leap.

GUY INNES.

Ce n'est quo le premier pas qui cathe.—It is only the Prime Minister

—not that he counts.

Fifth column.—Gibraltar ; the last of the Pillars of Hercules.

Deus ex machina.—A machine-made idol.

Maginot Line.—An imaginary black line drawn round France ; the English have a thin red line. Anna virumque cano.—A canoe carrying arms and men.

MRS. LONSDALE RAGG.

Alma virumque cano.—With the full force of his arm and cane.

Fifth column.—Tens of thousands. Ce n'est quo le premier pas qui cotite.—It isn't only the Prime

Minister who counts.

II se recule pour mieux saucer.—He recoils from frying honey-bees. Le bon de Phistoire.—The handmaid of history.

M. A. HARTLESS.