Westminster corridors
'Tis but a few more Days before the matter of our Great Entanglement with the Continental Powers must be settled once and for all. And many declare that on so Serious and Weighty a Proposition only the most Sublime and Elevated Arguments should be tolerated, that it is no mere trading arrangement in Pepper or Calico but a Partnership of all the Virtues, that the future of Western Man and his Preservation from Muscovite servitude hangs in the balance, which must be weighed on a different Scale than the Price of Butter from the Antipodes, and more in like Vein. Yet, when. these same Seers are exposed to Opinions at Variance with their own, however elevated above the material plane, then they at once denounce the Heretics as Vain and Foolish Inhabitants of a Land beyond the Clouds, who would throw away Solid Meat and Drink for Whimsy and the Empty Visions of the Ivory Tower. From which it is prudent to conclude that Issues are indeed at stake, as for instance Preferment, Ambition, Office and all that Inspires men to Reckless Assaults on Truth and Logick.
By Far the strongest Party in the State goes by the title of Moderates. For, among their Various Opinions, they hold that the Great Entanglement is a sure Redoubt against the New Czars, since the Muscovites have oft jeered and damned its Existence (though these men also hold that another Sign of MOderation is Support for Detente, which the Muscovites embrace no less enthusiastically), and that those who would desert the Great Entangle
ment are to a man Muscovite traitors, Fanaticks, Levellers, Fifth Monarchy Men and Lunaticks of every Variety and Description, as for instance Master R. Harris, the Whig Oeconomist, Master K. Amis, Master R. Conquest, Master N. Marten and the good Doctor Cosgrave. To which arguments no entirely satisfactory reply has yet been found.
Having been deluged with Praise and Flattery by our Publick Prints for their virtues of Restraint, Right Reason, Honesty, Integrity et al, our Moderates have begun to wonder if their Sway, once it is crowned with success in the Matter of the Entanglement, might nOt be extended to cover yet more vital areas of Policy, as the Controul of Workmen's Wages. For they reason that the affairs of the Nation are at a low ebb, that Bankruptcy, Ruin, Loss of Employment, Rioting, Destruction of Property, Chaos and Epidemicks must shortly be anticipated, and that both New Men and New Measures will assuredly be required to accomplish the Rescue of Something from the Armageddon.
Wherefore they •whisper that Master E. Heath, Master J. Callaghan, Master J. Thorpe, Master W. Whitelaw, Master R. Jenkins et al, must form an Administration of All the Talents, for only such a Broad-bottomed Government would be able to bring forward such Daring and Novel Stratagems as Controul of Workmen's Wages, a Pressing ahead with the Great Entanglement, a fearless Dash for °economical Growth, the Lavish Disbursement of Taxpayer's Monies to Bankrupt Merchants (provided that it not be accomplished by Master T. Benn) and Limitless Succour for both the Deserving Poor and Sturdy Beggars.
Yet, there is one Curious Matter which hath not received fit attention. For it appears that such schemes are heard with vastly greater Sympathy and Sign of Assent by Master E. Heath, Master J. Thorpe, and Master P. Walker than by Master R. Jenkins, Master J. Callaghan or Mistress Williams, even though they are in full Agreement on what must be done or, in common parlance, "the measures". Why should this be so?
Of Mistress Thatcher, whOse name is often omitted from the List of all the Talents (as also is Sir Keith Joseph, Master E. Powell and Master Wilson himself), there have been numerous Criticisms of late in the Publick Prints. For, 'tis alleged that she has devoted but little time and trouble to supporting the Great Entanglement, though declaring it to be a Wondrous and Necessary Device, and that she has thereby fallen below the high standards set her by such as Master Rupert Murdoch and Master V. Harmsworth. But may it not be the case that Mistress Thatcher has herself a Stratagem for the re-arranging of Talents, at least insofar as such a commodity as to be found upon the Benches occupied by Tories? For, there are many Tories as for instance Master Marten or Master Biffen, who would be Loyal to Mistress Thatcher but for their hostility to the Great Entanglement.
Once that hath been decided and thereby pushed from View, it should be possible for her to invite them into her Shaclow Administration, and for them to accept, if she hath not adopted too Fanatick a Devotion to the Entanglement, as Master Heath, who would have burned as Heretics those who seemed but slightly sceptical in an earlier Age. To make room for such new Recruits, however, Mistress Thatcher must perforce sweep away others (and, in particular, those who look with Favour on the Moderates). For, Talent, like Beauty, is in the Eye of the Beholder. Tom Puzzle
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