7 MARCH 1998, Page 55

YOUR PROBLEMS SOLVED

Dear Mary.. .

Q. My daughter is about to become engaged to someone whose paternity has always been the subject of speculation. How should I deflect the vulgar enquiries of friends who assume that I am now in on the secret? (I am, but now that he is almost family I feel it is inappropriate for me to gossip.) Name and address withheld A. When friends ask, 'So, is the real father X then, or Y?', you should counter their excitement with a baleful stare and simply reply, 'No one really knows.'

Q. Loved your p.v. pronunciations! What about Cuvert, not Cohvert!

LA., Marlow, Bucks A. Indeed.

Regarding correct pronunciation, espe- cr lly of the name Ralph: according to a friend at the BBC, the possibilities of this name — either aristocratic 'Rafe' or vulgar, almost Australasian 'Raiff — lie in its potential for wilful mispronunciation against type. I saw him cast confusion into an over-confident studio guest by introduc- ing him as .'Sir Rafe Halpern'. This was nothing to the consternation, almost disin- tegration of the personality, of the artistic, aloof actor brought on as 'Rolf Fiennes' (`Fiennes', naturally, pronounced superbly).

A W-C. montechristo@enterprise.net A. Thank you for your enjoyable letter.

Q. P.v. pronunciation suggestions: umour, otel, larnch, jodepores (not -phurs), weskit, Cuventry.

D.S., Towcester A. Thank you, you are quite right about jodepores, a lapse on my behalf, although printing errors were to blame for the erro- neous inclusions of eether and invohlve, which are, of course, both post-vulgarity. Q. Fourmdble, misschvous, harrisment, clorth, Crumwell, Trafflegar, Mombarssa, Cans.

G. W. W. W., Clifton A. You are right except that 'Cromwell' is the one exception to the basic p.v. rule of making all 'o's into U's. Trafflegar, the house, was built for Nelson but the square and the battle have been popularised into Trafalgar.

Q. You do know that it is Old Cumpton Street?

A.W., London WC1 A. Indeed.

Q. Marss, Cartholic, huzifry, dooket.

A.C., London W8 A. Thank you. More p.v.s next week.

Mary Killen

If you have a problem write to Dear Mary, clo The Spectator, 56 Doughty Street, London WC1N 2LL.