Q. I have a friend who is giving much offence
by first making good friends in the course of business and then, as soon as the business is completed, looking through those same friends at parties. What I would like to know, Mary, is whether such behaviour, which was once the exclusive preserve of a well-known elderly publisher, is now par for the course. Or is it still, as it once was, conduct unbecoming?
P.W., Hedgerley, Bucks A. Of course this is conduct unbecoming but ultimately it is more of a problem for the cutter than the cuttee. The cutter can make enemies while the cuttee should not take the cutting personally. Experienced cuttees are aware that being ignored at a party by an old friend is no reflection on their considered value. Indeed it is a compliment — since the cutter clearly assumes that this established friendship is secure and can be more appropriately serviced outside the superficial arena of a party. Such an occasion can be better used to interact with new and second-division friends. One byproduct of social and professional success is the physical impossibility of interacting with every single one of the friends and acquaintances who may be in the same room at a typical social gathering. According even the minimum of five minutes per person means one can only ‘process’ a maximum of 12 people per hour. For this reason — and to their own detriment — cutters are often paralysed by the confusion of choice and fail to make even facial acknowledgement of the presence of some of their favourite people.
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