7 SEPTEMBER 1985, Page 27

Wrong number

Is that the vet? You said you'd fixed my cat And now she's dead. Wrong number.

Is that the parson? Was it you who said That God is dead? Wrong number.

Is that the hospital? My husband's got My son my brother's got Wrong number.

Is that the fire brigade? Is that the chemist?

I've swallowed pills. The Second Coming's come.

The taps are leaking. I can hear a bomb.

Is that the plumber? God, how long you've been.

Is that the IRA? Is that the Queen?

It wasn't me. I just picked up the phone. I've never spayed a cat. I've never done Anything, really. Never killed a man Or cured one either. There it goes again. I just picked up the phone. It wasn't me.

Laurence Lerner