Q. I wonder if you can help me with a
matter of English etiquette. My wife and I correspond periodically with an English couple — old friends whom we met many years ago while working abroad. On occasions, I correspond separately with the husband, and our respective wives sometimes do likewise. The wives sign off their letters or emails with the complimentary 'Love'. If I am writing to the husband and wife, I will also employ the word 'Love', whereas when writing to the husband I prefer the more masculine 'Regards' or 'Yours sincerely', as is practised in this part of the world, presumably to avoid ambiguity. However, on those occasions when the English husband writes to me alone, he continues to use 'Love', thereby placing me in the difficult position of having to decide, when replying, whether to defer to what I take to be the appropriate English letter-writing con
vention or to risk drawing attention to what we antipodeans would regard as an overly familiar compliment between males by maintaining the more comfortable 'Yours sincerely' or some other phrase not amounting to a declaration of love. I do not wish to give offence to someone who is a dear friend and would appreciate your guidance.
Name withheld, Auckland, New Zealand A. End your letters to the man himself with 'With love to you both' or, if you want to be really cautious, 'With love to you both, yours ever'.
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